1
00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,880
[Earl Narrating] The claw machine
is a popular way to pass time at the Crab Shack.

2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:09,480
- Especially when the rat gets in it.
- A little more left.

3
00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,320
If you can't pick him up by a foot,
go for the chunky part.

4
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:16,280
I know what I'm doin'. I gotta sneak up on him
from the backwhile he's humping that Grover.

5
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:20,040
- Now!
- [ Machine Whirring ]

6
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:24,800
Be careful when you pull him out of the slot.
He's gonna be angry.

7
00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,160
He's not gonna be angry.
I saved him.

8
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:33,480
- [Rat Squeaks]
- Ow!

9
00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:37,000
Maybe I should've let him finish his business
with the Grover before I took him.

10
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:40,360
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing but bad things...

11
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,320
and then wonders why
his life sucks?

12
00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:47,400
Well, that was me. Every time
somethin'good happened to me...

13
00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,720
somethin'bad was always waitin'
around the corner.

14
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,360
Karma.

15
00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,440
That's when I realized
I had to change.

16
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,640
So I made a list
of everything bad I've ever done...

17
00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,120
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes.

18
00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:03,240
I'm just tryin' to be
a better person.

19
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,680
My name is Earl.

20
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,000
[Joy]
They are monsters, Darnell.

21
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:11,680
Those kids
are two little monsters.

22
00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,800
They used my going-out lipstick
to draw boobs on the car headlights again.

23
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,600
Joy, I'm tryin' to work.

24
00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,560
Sweetheart, you're picking
crabmeat out of claws.

25
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,880
It's not like you're in a hospital
doing a kidney transplantation.

26
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:23,800
[Earl Narrating] There were a few things
I missed about being married to Joy.

27
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,720
Her children were not two of'em.

28
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,960
Boys get into trouble, Joy.
That's what they do.

29
00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:31,440
- Tell her, Earl.
- Oh, I'm just, uh-

30
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,640
I 'm j- gettin' a beer,
and the rat's back in the-

31
00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:37,040
What are you askin' him for? He was worse
at disciplinin' those kids than you are.

32
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,200
[Earl Narrating] She was right.

33
00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,680
I always found it best
not to get too involved.

34
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:52,240
[ Man ]
There you go.

35
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,520
Well, I'm sure if you put
your two heads together...

36
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,880
you'll be able to, uh-

37
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,920
Good luck.

38
00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:00,960
[Earl Narrating]
I felt bad for Darnell.

39
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,120
But I felt good for me.
Those kids were no longer my problem.

40
00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,520
Those kids are beyond fixin'. They wouldn't
even accept 'em over at the rotten kids camp.

41
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,600
I mean, I ran out of space
on the application.

42
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,080
How bad do they have to be?

43
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,880
- Are you talking about the Right Choice Ranch?
- Yeah.

44
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,800
- Whose name did you put on the application?
- Yours. Hickey.

45
00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,240
That's their legal last name.
Dr. Crabmeat here...

46
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,560
hasn't come up with the $180
to change their names yet.

47
00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,400
Seems like a waste.
I like Hickey.

48
00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:26,600
[ Exhales ]
Damn it.

49
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:31,400
[Earl Narrating] That's when I realized what
I thought wasn't myproblem, actually was.

50
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:35,160
Number 164-
burned down a barn at the Right Choice Ranch.

51
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,360
You see, as children, me and Randy
got into a little trouble here and there.

52
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,640
[ Groaning ]

53
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:53,440
And our parents didn't seem to be
very entertained by our antics.

54
00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,360
Eventually they had no choice but to take
Randy and me to the Right Choice Ranch.

55
00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:00,160
It was a nice little camp that helped
troubled kids turn their lives around.

56
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:03,600
However, their slogan
raised some eyebrows.

57
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:08,000
Over the years
they tried new slogans...

58
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,360
but they never
could get it right.

59
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,160
[ Man ] The Right Choice is,
hands on your head.

60
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,760
The Right Choice is,
hands on your knees.

61
00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,000
The Right Choice is,
hands in the air.

62
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,320
[Earl Narrating] Within a few hours,
we were already startin' to learn...

63
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:29,320
- that you didn't have to be bad to have fun.
- [ Shouts ]

64
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,480
We also learned
that Randy was afraid of birds.

65
00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:38,000
[ Quacking ]

66
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,440
[ Shouting ]

67
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,840
Then, which brings us back to the list,
there was an accident.

68
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,960
I had only recently taken up smokin'...

69
00:03:50,080 --> 00:03:52,800
and properly disposing
of my cigarette butts...

70
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,720
was a habit I hadn't mastered.

71
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,880
They sent Randy and I packing.

72
00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,000
Any chance of us being reformed
went up in flames.

73
00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,760
Now Joy's kids shouldn 't
have to pay for my mistakes.

74
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,960
No, they're gonna have
plenty of their own to pay for.

75
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,360
- You're going to a farm?
- Shh.

76
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,760
I 'm not telli n' Randy.
He's afraid of chickens.

77
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,480
And the pope's big hat. But mainly
'cause he thinks there's a chicken under it.

78
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,120
Can I go?
I worked on a farm growing up.

79
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,040
- Oh, yeah? Where was it?
- I don't know.

80
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:19,520
We were always blind folded
when they took us there.

81
00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,800
But I know they shot
my father in San Pascual...

82
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,200
so it must have been
north of the river of blood.

83
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,400
Man!
A surprise destination.

84
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,280
Give me a hint, Earl.
Like, has funnel cakes.

85
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,000
Okay. Does not have funnel cakes.

86
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:38,600
Does not have funnel cakes. Okay.

87
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:41,000
[Earl Narrating]
I didn't like trickin' Randy...

88
00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,200
but I was hoping he might
conquer his fear of birds.

89
00:04:43,280 --> 00:04:46,000
He's never grown out ofit.

90
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,240
- [ Bird Squawks ]
- Hey, Earl. Did you see what that stupid bird-

91
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,480
- [ Shouts ]
- [ Thuds ]

92
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,560
- Right Choice Ranch?
- Yep. Does not have funnel cakes.

93
00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,760
I'm gonna cross that burned barn off my list.
You okay with that?

94
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:09,360
- Yeah. 'Course. Why wouldn't I be?
- [RoosterCrows]

95
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,200
Earl, that was a rooster.
That's a man chicken.

96
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:15,440
They're the meanest of 'em all.
They got that red flappy thing under their mouth.

97
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,800
I don't even know
what they make that out of.

98
00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:22,200
I'm afraid of birds,
and I don't care what you think of me.

99
00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:26,000
It's okay. We all have our fears.
I'm afraid of snakes and rape.

100
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:29,000
Come on.
Let's go find the farmer.

101
00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,760
[Crowing Continues ]

102
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:35,400
I can't remember. With chickens, are you
supposed to play dead or punch 'em in the nose?

103
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,320
Well, I'll be.

104
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,200
Earl Hickey. We've been tellin' everybody
around here you're dead.

105
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,120
Nope. Not dead yet.

106
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,440
But my heart did stop briefly back in 1992
when I got stepped on at a Motörhead concert.

107
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:51,440
No, it's not that.
It's just that...

108
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,400
- when we tell the kids
the legend of the barn-burner-
- [ Chicken Clucking]

109
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,600
we think it's kind a nice
to finish it with you bein' dead.

110
00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:01,200
- Shot in the face actually.
- Really? I have a legend?

111
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,920
- And a plaque.
- Oh.

112
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,360
You're the example the counselors use...

113
00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:12,320
for someone who made
the wrong choice...

114
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,480
here at the
Right Choice Ranch.

115
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,160
Hey, Bud...

116
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,840
little Hector said that seeing
that baby lamb get born...

117
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,320
has convinced him
to laser off his teardrop tattoo.

118
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:25,000
Hey, okay, Hector.
¡Bueno! ¡Bueno!

119
00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,320
Oh, this here's Bobby.
He was probably at the camp when you were.

120
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,640
He was brought here when he pulled
out all the teeth from his brother.

121
00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:33,160
He's a successful
businessman now.

122
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,240
He comes here
and volunteers on weekends.

123
00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,600
Earl here's thinkin' of making up
for burnin'down our barn.

124
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:42,440
Yep. Gotta undo all the bad things I did
so I can have a better life.

125
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:46,560
Well, if you're looking to make up for burnin'
the barn, we sure could use a proper ostrich pen.

126
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:48,880
- You guys have an ostrich?
- Yeah.

127
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:51,840
We got him for the "Racism Is Having
Your Head in the Sand" bonfire.

128
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,920
We put a little K.K.K. hoodon him
and let him chase the kids around.

129
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,840
All right then.
I'll build that racist ostrich a pen.

130
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,840
Maybe the campers will learn somethin'
by seeing Earl Hickey do some good.

131
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,280
- There you go.
- Just do me a favor.

132
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,520
Don't mention to my brother
that there's an ostrich roamin' around.

133
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,720
[ Clucking ]

134
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,160
What are you gonna do now, you stupid bird?
I'm behind a fence.

135
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:25,960
- Stupid chick-
- [ Warbles ]

136
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,800
[ Softly ] I don't wanna punch you
in the nose, big chicken...

137
00:07:28,920 --> 00:07:30,800
so I'm just gonna lay down and die now.

138
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,720
Okay? Here I am dyin'.

139
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,640
[ Whispering ]
Call the police.

140
00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:48,600
No, no.
G-G-Go call the police.

141
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,600
[Earl Narrating]
Building an ostrich pen actually felt pretty good.

142
00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:56,360
But not as good as seeing
all the faces of the campers...

143
00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:58,320
gettin' inspired
by my positive example.

144
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,960
They couldn't keep
their eyes off me.

145
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,200
- Randy, give me the nail gun.
- No, no. I -I need it.

146
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,760
For what?
You're not doin' a damn thing.

147
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,760
- [ Shouts ]
- [ Nail Gun Firing ]

148
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,480
I think I got one
in his McNugget.

149
00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,440
- You can have it now.
- [ Boys Bickering, Indistinct ]

150
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,320
You know what? If y'all don't stop fightin',
I swear to God I'll slap you so hard...

151
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:24,960
you'll both switch colors.

152
00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:27,600
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crab Man.

153
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,760
This place is crazy, huh?
It's like a farm or somethin'.

154
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,440
- What are you doin' here?
- Well, you must be doin' somethin' right...

155
00:08:33,560 --> 00:08:36,560
'cause they called us up
and told us we could bring the boys up here.

156
00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,720
Careful with that sander, honey. You don't
wanna injure your toilet-scrubbing hand.

157
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,800
Quiero agradecera todo el público latino
que nos acompaña cada semana...

158
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:46,240
y para los que no son latinos,
les felicito por aprender otra idioma.

159
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,720
Sorry, sweetheart.
I don't speak maid.

160
00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:53,040
We're gonna need Dodge's birthday.

161
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,240
June-

162
00:08:55,320 --> 00:08:57,160
Wait. Do me a favor.
What's this say?

163
00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:00,440
That's a Smurfette
ridin' a skateboard.

164
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:02,680
No. Under that?

165
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,120
- Oh,June 10.
- Mmm, that's it.

166
00:09:06,680 --> 00:09:09,440
- What about Earl Jr.?.
- Darnell?

167
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,320
April 3.

168
00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,240
[Earl Narrating]
With Catalina's help...

169
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:17,600
I finished the ostrich pen
a lot sooner than I thought.

170
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,240
Well, I think
I can cross this one off.

171
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:23,160
I'll go get us some fresh water.

172
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,800
As a child, they wouldn't let us drink
from the well because of the bodies.

173
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:29,960
Look, Earl. They're playin' Right Choice.
Remember that?

174
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:33,040
Right Choice is,
hands on your nose.

175
00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,520
Right Choice is,
stand on one foot.

176
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:37,840
- All right. Now punch your neighbor's arm.
- Ow!

177
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:40,760
- I didn't say "Right Choice."
- [ All Laugh ]

178
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,440
[Bobby]
Right Choice is, hands on your nose.

179
00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:48,960
Trick is, you just watch
what everybody else is doin' and do what they do.

180
00:09:50,480 --> 00:09:53,280
[Earl Narrating]
I'm not sure why, but that's when it hit me.

181
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:56,440
I didn't just screw up my own future
by burning down that barn...

182
00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:58,920
I screwed up Randy's too.

183
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,240
- I 'm puttin' you on the list.
- What?

184
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:06,360
I'm puttin' you on the list.

185
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,240
When I got us thrown out of here,
I didn't just destroy that barn...

186
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,240
I destroyed your chance
to be a better person.

187
00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:15,040
- I gotta put you on the list.
- No, no, Earl. I'm glad we got thrown out of here.

188
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,800
This place is total chaos.
I saw a pig eatin' his own poo.

189
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,440
But, Randy, if I didn't get us kicked out,
you could've had a completely different life.

190
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:23,960
Now look at that guy
Bobby over there.

191
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:28,600
Perfectly pleated khakis. Havin'a good job.
Flossin'. That could've been you.

192
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,680
I don't wanna be that guy, Earl.
I don't wanna floss.

193
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:33,160
- It makes my tongue hurt.
- Randy, give me the pen.

194
00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,520
- No.
- You're goin' on the list, Randy!

195
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,680
- I don't wanna!
- It's not up to you. It's up to karma!

196
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,280
[Nail Gun Fires]

197
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,720
[ Groans, Screams ]

198
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,040
Mother, mother, mother, mother,
mother, mother, mother, mother, mother...

199
00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:48,600
Mother!

200
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,520
Pull it out.
Pull it out!

201
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:53,000
Karma did this, Randy,
'cause you're not on the list.

202
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,640
- Put yourself on the list!
- No!

203
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,240
- Do it!
- No!

204
00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:57,760
- Do it! Do it!
- No!

205
00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:01,240
I burned down the barn, okay!
I did it. It wasn't you.

206
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,160
[Earl Narrating]
Randy wasn't lyin'.

207
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,200
Though he had been
for quite a few years.

208
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,120
Hey, Earl.
Can I have a drag of that?

209
00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,840
No. You're not old enough.
No smokin' till you're 10.

210
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,920
Come on. Let's go inside. We're gonna play
a game of Duck Duck Everyone's a Winner.

211
00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:23,560
[Earl Narrating]
But Randy didn't wanna go inside that night.

212
00:11:23,680 --> 00:11:25,800
He wanted to smoke.

213
00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:31,320
- [ Clucking ]
- Unfortunately, he wasn't alone in the barn.

214
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:33,200
[ Shouts ]

215
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:39,480
There you go.
Now if you do it to the other hand...

216
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:43,280
I wanna take you to my church
so I can watch all the old ladies cry.

217
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,120
I'm sorry, Earl. The good news is,
you don't have to put me on your list.

218
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:50,840
It's not your fault that this place
didn't turn me into a good person. It's mine.

219
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,120
No, no. It's not my fault
you didn't turn out like Bobby over there.

220
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:58,640
It's your fault. It's also your fault
that I didn't turn out like Bobby.

221
00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:03,080
- Want me to make a list and put you on it?
- No, I don't, Randy.

222
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,560
You don't need to make a list.
Your list is right here.

223
00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,640
- This is your list.
- Not anymore it's not. It's our list.

224
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,760
Seeing how this place
could a turned me around...

225
00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:15,800
I figure you're responsible for everything bad
I did since the summer of 1982.

226
00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:17,880
And that's about 200 things.
Good luck.

227
00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:23,560
Stupid Carson Daly.

228
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,320
[ Snores ]

229
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,680
Wakey, wakey, hands off snakey.

230
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:35,240
- What are you doin'?
- Time to get up. Gotta get started on your list.

231
00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:38,960
I chose the first one. Took doughnuts
from a bank where I was not a customer.

232
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:42,480
- Do I have to go now?
- People don't want doughnuts in the afternoon.

233
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,080
Oh, sure they would.

234
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,840
If you put gravy on 'em.
Or meat inside.

235
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,800
With that smart frog
from Return of the Jedi on my back.

236
00:12:50,920 --> 00:12:54,280
- [ Continues Snoring]
- Randy, wake up.

237
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:56,360
Poopie trim-
Huh?

238
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:59,880
[ Chattering ]

239
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:04,680
- Can't I just leave 'em on the table?
- Nope.

240
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,840
You gotta tell people
what you did and why you're here.

241
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,760
- All of'em?
- All of'em.

242
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,760
- Everybody, listen up!
- [ Women Shrieking ]

243
00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,840
Drop the doughnuts!
Just drop the doughnuts.

244
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,000
[Woman Whimpers]

245
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:26,600
[Earl Narrating] Randy spent
the whole day crossin'things off my list.

246
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:35,640
My name in Earl, and I stole
this birdbath out of a pickup truck...

247
00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:37,560
in the parking lot of this building.

248
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,560
Is it yours?

249
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,200
[ Smacks Lips ]
Nope.

250
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:06,320
This birdbath was stolen
out ofthe back ofa pickup truck-

251
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,720
It is bad luck to accept
a birdbath from a stranger.

252
00:14:11,880 --> 00:14:15,960
- [ Groaning ]
- My name is Earl.

253
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,160
What up, Nescobar-A-Lop-Lop?

254
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,360
[ Both Laugh ]

255
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,240
[Earl Narrating] It wasn't easy,
but the hard things in life never are.

256
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,880
Randy was responsible
for who I became...

257
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:30,640
and it was his job to make up
for everything bad I did.

258
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,000
Sir, my name is Earl...

259
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,560
and I slept with your wife.

260
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:40,680
- [ Groans ]
- Was it in my own house? In my own bed?

261
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,240
Uh, I'll check.

262
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,040
It was in your own house,
but it was on the couch...

263
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:59,280
the counter, the piano, the-
[ Groans ]

264
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:02,040
Wait. I've been married a few times.

265
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,560
Who are you talking about?

266
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,520
I'll find out.

267
00:15:17,560 --> 00:15:21,160
- It was Sherry.
- Sherry? That's fine.

268
00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:23,880
If you had said Linda,
that'd be another story.

269
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:35,800
Done. He was okay with it
so long as it wasn't Linda.

270
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:38,200
Check out number 188.

271
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,800
[Earl Narrating]
It was relaxin'to have Randy do my list for me.

272
00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,720
Kind of like a vacation.

273
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:56,280
But then he came across somethin'
on the list he couldn't do on his own.

274
00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:59,480
- I got one I can't do.
- Too bad. Figure it out.

275
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,640
I can't. Number 98-

276
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,120
told Dodge and Earl Jr. we would have...

277
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,920
a father-son day at Mystery Fun Land
and didn't take them.

278
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,320
[Earl Narrating]
I had promised the boys...

279
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,240
I'd take them to Mystery Fun Land.

280
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:15,000
But I had also promised myself
I'd go to an AC/DC concert.

281
00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:19,240
- Hey, boys!
- You told us you would take us
to Mystery Fun Land.

282
00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,520
Front row. They opened
with " Moneytalks."

283
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,520
Well, I would have probably taken 'em
if I didn't get kicked out of camp, Randy.

284
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,120
I would have probably had
my own Mystery Fun Land.

285
00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,440
On my own private island.

286
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,080
- The "Earlhamas."
- The "Earlhamas"?

287
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:40,200
Yeah, maybe. Maybe I'd be rich
and own a bunch of islands.

288
00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:42,200
Would there have been
an island for me?

289
00:16:42,280 --> 00:16:44,480
- Yeah, probably.
- Damn it.

290
00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:46,760
[Woman Announcer On TV,
Indistinct]

291
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:51,560
Well, I can't fix this one. They won't let me
sign Dodge and Earl Jr. out of bad kid camp.

292
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,320
They say either you or Joy
or Darnell have to do it.

293
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,240
[ Exhales ]

294
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:00,480
Fine. I'll do this one.

295
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:03,440
But you gotta do another one
while I'm gone.

296
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:05,280
Number 53-

297
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,760
put used gum under almost
every table I've ever sat at.

298
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,040
[TV Continues, Indistinct]

299
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:18,480
How am I supposed to know which ones
are "mines" and which ones are yours?

300
00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,280
- You kids ready to have a good time?
- [Together] Yeah!

301
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:26,600
[Earl Narrating] Me and the boys
headed on down to MysteryFun Land.

302
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,760
I figured after a couple hours of Skee-Ball
and a handful of rides on the bumper cars...

303
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:32,800
I'd be able to cross 'em off my list...

304
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:36,640
and get back to watchin'
buildings fall down on TV.

305
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:40,400
However, there was
a small problem with that plan.

306
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,400
Mystery Fun Land was gone.

307
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,520
- It's gone.
- What?

308
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,640
Mystery Fun Land.

309
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,800
It's gone.
They tore it down.

310
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,360
I can't cross you off the list.

311
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,480
You mean, your idiot list?

312
00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:57,680
- Is that what your mom calls it?
- Yeah.

313
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:02,240
She puts another word in front of idiot,
but I don't know what it means.

314
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:04,440
The guy in Scarface says it a lot.

315
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:06,160
I know what it means.

316
00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:08,960
Yeah, my idiot list.

317
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,720
You guys are on here 'cause I didn't take you
to Fun Land. You're number 98.

318
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:16,320
But if there's no Fun Land,
there's no way to cross you off.

319
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,320
I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
This has never happened before.

320
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,800
What if we just forgive you?

321
00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:23,640
What?

322
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:28,000
When someone tells the truth
and says they're sorry, you forgive them.

323
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,160
That's what we learned at camp.

324
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,480
[Earl Narrating]
That's when they made me realize somethin'.

325
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,120
It's never too late to make
the right choices in life.

326
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:40,800
And forgivin'people you love-
Well, that's a right choice I still hadn't made.

327
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:45,240
If these little monsters could forgive me,
why couldn't I forgive my own brother?

328
00:18:55,440 --> 00:19:00,200
- [ Sniffs ] Nicorette. That's yours, Joy.
- Hey, doofus.

329
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,880
If I wanted to see that again,
I wouldn't have put it up under the table.

330
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:05,080
Why don't you go get started
on the back of my headboard.

331
00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,800
Anything that's grape
was put there by Earl.

332
00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:13,640
- Randy, you can stop now.
- I gotta go start on the headboard.

333
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,200
No, it's okay.
It's not your list anymore.

334
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,280
- I forgive you.
- What?

335
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,400
I know you're sorry
for what you did back then...

336
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,680
and when somebodyyou love is sorry,
you forgive 'em.

337
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,360
I am sorry
I burned down that barn, Earl.

338
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,080
I know you are.
It's okay.

339
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,560
Oh, my God.
You two are a couple of fruits.

340
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,840
I think it's sweet.

341
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,400
Well, why don't y'all
go have a three-way?

342
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:39,080
Pack of fruit cakes.

343
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,560
I don't care what she thinks.

344
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,920
I don't either, Randy.

345
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,160
My God, I'm gonna vomit.

346
00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,960
Hey, Earl?

347
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,880
Yeah, Randy?

348
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:04,280
Do you think an ostrich could get
all the way here from the Right Choice Ranch?

349
00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:08,960
Yeah. I mean, it could probably
walk that distance if it really wanted to.

350
00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:12,480
But I think the chances of it headin'
in the right direction, gettin' up the stairs...

351
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,280
and findin' this particular room
are pretty slim.

352
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,680
I'm gonna make sure
the door is locked.

353
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:33,360
[DoorLock Clicks]

998
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:37,800
Montaje: PiLLaO y Redención
Subtítulos: dahhny

999
00:20:39,491 --> 00:20:43,800
.: tusseries & subXpacio :.
