1
00:00:03,001 --> 00:00:05,435
[Earl Narrating]
Number 203 on my list-

2
00:00:05,537 --> 00:00:09,735
stole various snacks and drinks
from the local Quick Stop.

3
00:00:09,841 --> 00:00:12,241
Of course, that was before
I turned my life around.

4
00:00:12,343 --> 00:00:15,437
Luckily, Randy still had
a stealing jacket...

5
00:00:15,547 --> 00:00:18,038
and we had no problem
sneaking the stuff back in.

6
00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,343
All right. Well, I guess
I can cross this one off.

7
00:00:23,454 --> 00:00:27,788
Hold on a second. I gotta put these back
in the little hot dog Ferris wheel.

8
00:00:29,193 --> 00:00:31,889
Oh, my God!

9
00:00:31,996 --> 00:00:34,362
- What are you doin'?
- Natalie Duckworth is over there.

10
00:00:34,465 --> 00:00:36,956
- Who?
- Natalie Duckworth, number 84.

11
00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:41,732
[Earl Narrating] About seven years ago,
the Crab Shack was rented out for a bikerparty.

12
00:00:41,839 --> 00:00:45,468
No one hassled me at the door,
so I came in and learned a new phrase-

13
00:00:45,577 --> 00:00:47,477
open bar.

14
00:00:49,981 --> 00:00:52,711
- Beer, please.
- Make it two.

15
00:01:01,559 --> 00:01:05,655
[Earl Narrating] I decided then and there
that I did, in fact, wanna ride.

16
00:01:05,763 --> 00:01:08,561
- After what some might call
a few too many beers-
- Yeah, mama!

17
00:01:08,666 --> 00:01:11,726
we went back to her house and had
a really good time in the dark.

18
00:01:11,836 --> 00:01:13,963
Then it got light, fast.

19
00:01:14,072 --> 00:01:16,302
Wake up, sleepy head.

20
00:01:17,775 --> 00:01:18,935
What?

21
00:01:20,478 --> 00:01:22,810
That was some costume party
last night, wasn't it?

22
00:01:22,914 --> 00:01:24,882
What?

23
00:01:26,718 --> 00:01:29,152
My God.

24
00:01:31,356 --> 00:01:34,348
Whoops. My temporary tattoo
rubbed off on you.

25
00:01:36,894 --> 00:01:41,763
Wow. I've never brought a guy
right home before. This is wild, huh?

26
00:01:41,866 --> 00:01:44,960
So, what do you wanna do today?
Do you wanna go to the park?

27
00:01:45,069 --> 00:01:47,936
Oh, my God. You know
what would be great?

28
00:01:48,039 --> 00:01:50,769
- The farmer's market.
- The who's what?

29
00:01:55,947 --> 00:01:59,883
[Earl Narrating]
We were not cut from the same cloth.

30
00:01:59,984 --> 00:02:03,476
But no matter how different we were,
there was one thing we both liked.

31
00:02:03,588 --> 00:02:07,183
[Giggling]

32
00:02:07,291 --> 00:02:09,521
Besides, I didn't wanna
run out on her.

33
00:02:09,627 --> 00:02:12,528
- She had been hurt before.
- This is Ted.

34
00:02:12,630 --> 00:02:14,530
He left me for a stripper.

35
00:02:14,632 --> 00:02:19,831
That's a lock of his hair,
and that's a lock of the stripper's hair.

36
00:02:19,937 --> 00:02:25,705
That's a lock of my sister's hair,
which leads us to John.

37
00:02:25,810 --> 00:02:28,802
[Earl Narrating] Even though I took home
a Harley and ended up with a moped...

38
00:02:28,913 --> 00:02:30,813
I decided to give it a shot.

39
00:02:30,915 --> 00:02:33,679
I mean, why not?
She was cute and had a satellite...

40
00:02:33,785 --> 00:02:35,980
that sent kung fu movies
from space.

41
00:02:36,087 --> 00:02:40,387
- Ooh.
- It's a beautiful day out.

42
00:02:40,491 --> 00:02:45,155
- Let's go for a hike.
- I was gonna watch this kung fu movie.

43
00:02:45,263 --> 00:02:47,322
[Karate Yells On TV]

44
00:02:47,432 --> 00:02:50,526
[Karate Yell]

45
00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:52,569
[Laughs]
Come on.

46
00:02:52,670 --> 00:02:54,604
"Pwease" go
for a hike with me.

47
00:02:54,706 --> 00:02:57,197
Mmm.

48
00:02:57,308 --> 00:03:00,402
[Earl Narrating] I tried to seem interested
in the same things she was...

49
00:03:00,511 --> 00:03:03,412
but it just
didn't come natural to me.

50
00:03:03,514 --> 00:03:07,382
Look, an Anthemis tinctoria!

51
00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:10,750
Wow, look at the size
of that dog turd next to it.

52
00:03:13,357 --> 00:03:15,257
[Exhales Forcefully]

53
00:03:15,359 --> 00:03:19,921
- [Earl Narrating]
She wanted me to do arts and crafts.
- It's called papier-mâché.

54
00:03:20,031 --> 00:03:24,092
Some how she figured out a way
to make newspapers even more boring.

55
00:03:24,202 --> 00:03:26,636
Oh, "wook," someone's fingers
are all stichy-wichy.

56
00:03:30,475 --> 00:03:33,376
- She even made me go on picnics.
- So we just sit here?

57
00:03:33,478 --> 00:03:35,537
Well, we're gonna eat
in a while.

58
00:03:35,646 --> 00:03:38,376
What do we do until then?

59
00:03:38,483 --> 00:03:43,785
- Just sit, talk.
- You know, we passed a Denny's.

60
00:03:43,888 --> 00:03:46,652
[Earl Narrating] Before I knew it, we had been
dating for a whole month.

61
00:03:46,758 --> 00:03:48,658
When her parents
came out to visit...

62
00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:50,955
and we all got our faces
lasered in crystal...

63
00:03:51,062 --> 00:03:52,962
I knew things
were gettin' too serious.

64
00:03:53,064 --> 00:03:55,294
I had to get out.

65
00:03:55,399 --> 00:03:59,836
And I didn't wanna hurt her feelings, so
I figured there was only one thing to do.

66
00:04:06,043 --> 00:04:08,807
Earl 's dead.
He was lost at sea.

67
00:04:08,913 --> 00:04:11,279
This is al I they found of him.
I thought you'd want it.

68
00:04:15,286 --> 00:04:17,311
[Earl Narrating]
I realize now that faking your death...

69
00:04:17,421 --> 00:04:19,787
to break up with someone
is not exactly thoughtful.

70
00:04:19,891 --> 00:04:23,793
It's time to find a way
to cross her off the list.

71
00:04:33,871 --> 00:04:35,839
You look like
that little monkey in E.T.

72
00:04:35,940 --> 00:04:39,535
Shh.

73
00:04:39,644 --> 00:04:42,579
- You faked your death?
- I didn't wanna hurt her feelings.

74
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,773
This woman is very fragile.

75
00:04:44,882 --> 00:04:46,907
Very needy, clingy and fragile.

76
00:04:47,018 --> 00:04:49,714
Here. Put some more
baby's breath in there.

77
00:04:49,821 --> 00:04:53,382
It fills in the gaps
with neutral coloring.

78
00:04:53,491 --> 00:04:55,550
[Earl Narrating] It's funny how
the brain sucks things up.

79
00:04:55,660 --> 00:04:58,527
One summer, Randy worked at
a florist fror almost 10 minutes.

80
00:04:58,629 --> 00:05:00,893
I'm gonna put in
some more baby's breath.

81
00:05:00,998 --> 00:05:03,398
- It fills in the gaps with neutral coloring.
- [Squeaking]

82
00:05:03,501 --> 00:05:07,232
Ma'am, are these vases always gonna
make that sound when I'm drying them?

83
00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:09,704
The squeaking
makes my toes hurt.

84
00:05:09,807 --> 00:05:12,708
You can't just tell a girl you faked
your death to get away from her.

85
00:05:12,810 --> 00:05:15,574
- She'll be devastated.
- I have to tell her. It's on my list.

86
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,649
I lied to her, and the only way I can
cross it off is if I tell her the truth.

87
00:05:18,749 --> 00:05:21,309
So, what is more important,
your list or someone's feelings?

88
00:05:21,419 --> 00:05:24,013
- I don't know. My list?
- No.

89
00:05:24,121 --> 00:05:26,021
Feelings.
I bet it's feelings.

90
00:05:26,123 --> 00:05:28,557
Look, I- I have to tell her.
She almost saw me today...

91
00:05:28,659 --> 00:05:30,559
and I'm not gonna
hide in another refrigerator.

92
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:34,028
Earl, if you really need to tell her,
at least say it was because of you.

93
00:05:34,131 --> 00:05:36,998
- Say you weren't good enough for her.
- That's another lie.

94
00:05:37,101 --> 00:05:39,899
But it's a good lie,
to protect her.

95
00:05:40,004 --> 00:05:42,063
Maybe you should listen
to Catalina.

96
00:05:42,173 --> 00:05:44,300
She's a woman
just like Natalie.

97
00:05:44,408 --> 00:05:46,308
They're both women,
her and Natalie.

98
00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:48,844
You and I are men.
We're not women.

99
00:05:48,946 --> 00:05:52,040
[Earl Narrating] Sometimes Randy takes
a long road to a simple thought.

100
00:05:52,149 --> 00:05:54,674
You see, men think
different than women.

101
00:05:54,785 --> 00:05:56,776
You and I think different
than Natalie and Catalina...

102
00:05:56,888 --> 00:05:58,788
cause we're men
and they're women.

103
00:06:00,291 --> 00:06:02,282
I'm right, right?
I-I'm not wrong.

104
00:06:02,393 --> 00:06:04,691
- Am I wrong?
- No.

105
00:06:07,331 --> 00:06:09,231
[Earl Narrating]
Randy's long thought was right.

106
00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:11,767
Catalina seemed to know a lot
more about women than I did...

107
00:06:11,869 --> 00:06:14,429
so I decided
to take her advice.

108
00:06:14,538 --> 00:06:16,506
[ Knocking ]

109
00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:21,874
- [ Gasps ]
- Surprise.

110
00:06:21,979 --> 00:06:24,106
- [Screaming]
- [Screaming]

111
00:06:25,716 --> 00:06:28,082
[ Screaming Continues ]

112
00:06:28,185 --> 00:06:30,881
Whoa!

113
00:06:30,988 --> 00:06:34,082
That was just like in E. T. when
that little girl first saw the monkey.

114
00:06:38,628 --> 00:06:41,290
You see, it wasn't you.
It was- It was me.

115
00:06:41,397 --> 00:06:45,925
I pretended to be dead because I was
afraid I wasn't good enough for ya.

116
00:06:47,203 --> 00:06:51,003
I mourned you for months.
I kept your shirt.

117
00:06:51,107 --> 00:06:55,271
I even made a papier-mâché bust
of you to wear it.

118
00:07:00,583 --> 00:07:04,519
Ah, very nice.
Very detailed.

119
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:10,525
See, it was that kind of perfection
in your life that made me feel inadequate.

120
00:07:10,626 --> 00:07:13,789
It was that kind of perfection in
your life that made him feel inadequate.

121
00:07:13,896 --> 00:07:18,799
They turned you into a mushroom.
Are you all right? Talk to me.

122
00:07:18,901 --> 00:07:21,665
I just wished you
would've said something.

123
00:07:21,771 --> 00:07:23,898
Why wouldn't you just tell me?

124
00:07:24,006 --> 00:07:26,474
I mean, what does that
say about me?

125
00:07:26,575 --> 00:07:29,203
No, n-nothing. It doesn't say
anything about you.

126
00:07:29,312 --> 00:07:32,543
It's not your fault.
You're-You're perfect.

127
00:07:32,648 --> 00:07:34,673
I'm the one.
It was me.

128
00:07:34,784 --> 00:07:38,515
- [Door Opens]
- Sorry I'm late, sweetie. I hit the gym.

129
00:07:38,621 --> 00:07:41,749
Took the frast train to ab town.

130
00:07:45,628 --> 00:07:47,721
- Are you being robbed?
- No.

131
00:07:47,830 --> 00:07:50,731
This is my ex-boyfriend Earl.

132
00:07:50,833 --> 00:07:54,462
- The one with the stripper?
- No, I'm- I'm the dead one.

133
00:07:55,604 --> 00:07:58,232
Are these candies free?

134
00:08:03,813 --> 00:08:07,749
Thanks for telling me the truth. It
makes me feel better knowing you're alive.

135
00:08:07,850 --> 00:08:10,080
I just wanted to make sure
you were happy.

136
00:08:10,186 --> 00:08:13,747
I'm glad you found Dirk.
He seems perfect for you.

137
00:08:13,856 --> 00:08:18,020
Thanks. We only met three weeks ago,
but we just clicked.

138
00:08:18,127 --> 00:08:21,096
That's great.
Good for you.

139
00:08:21,197 --> 00:08:24,166
- Well, I should, uh-
- Oh, wait a sec.

140
00:08:28,304 --> 00:08:32,206
I want you to have this.
I'm glad you're not dead.

141
00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:36,744
Good-bye, little fella.

142
00:08:38,981 --> 00:08:42,917
[High-pitched Voice] Good-bye, Natalie.
Thanks for making me.

143
00:08:44,053 --> 00:08:46,613
- [Kisses]
- Oh.

144
00:08:49,058 --> 00:08:52,550
- All righty. I'll see you later.
- Bye.

145
00:08:54,597 --> 00:08:58,158
[Earl Narrating] I was feeling pretty good
about Natalie and how we left things.

146
00:08:58,267 --> 00:09:03,796
And the me made of wet newspaper
added a nice decorative touch to the room.

147
00:09:03,906 --> 00:09:08,070
Randy, have you seen the pen?
I need to cross Natalie off my list.

148
00:09:08,177 --> 00:09:11,943
Nope. Catalina, how often
do you clean the bedspreads?

149
00:09:12,048 --> 00:09:15,040
I don't know. I've only worked here
for a year.

150
00:09:15,151 --> 00:09:17,551
[Knocking]

151
00:09:19,121 --> 00:09:21,612
- Dirk is gone. [ Sobbing ]
- What?

152
00:09:21,724 --> 00:09:23,624
Dirk is gone!

153
00:09:28,898 --> 00:09:31,526
[Earl Narrating] When we got Natalie
calmed down, she explained...

154
00:09:31,634 --> 00:09:34,865
that something terrible
had happened to Dirk.

155
00:09:34,970 --> 00:09:39,407
The police found his car
in the woods with blood in it...

156
00:09:39,508 --> 00:09:41,942
and they think
he might have been killed.

157
00:09:42,044 --> 00:09:44,308
[Squeaking Sobs]

158
00:09:44,413 --> 00:09:48,315
Earl, is she gonna keep squeaking like
that? It's making my toes hurt.

159
00:09:49,785 --> 00:09:53,482
Uh,just uh- sit here and-
and- and try to calm down.

160
00:09:53,589 --> 00:09:57,025
- I'll get you something to drink.
- Okay. Thanks.

161
00:10:03,566 --> 00:10:05,693
[Dirk]
Oh,yeah, feel that.

162
00:10:05,801 --> 00:10:08,326
How do you like that
rock-hard candy, huh?

163
00:10:08,437 --> 00:10:12,396
- Dirk?
- Hey, Earl.

164
00:10:12,508 --> 00:10:14,476
Don't tell me your hooker
works here too.

165
00:10:14,577 --> 00:10:19,640
- You're supposed to be dead.
- Well, yeah, I know.

166
00:10:19,748 --> 00:10:21,909
Thanks for the idea.
Boy, just in time.

167
00:10:22,017 --> 00:10:25,976
I was about to build a noose out of
papier-mâché and hang myself at a picnic.

168
00:10:26,088 --> 00:10:29,148
[Natalie]
Earl.

169
00:10:29,258 --> 00:10:32,352
- Hey.
- I'm just gonna go home.

170
00:10:32,461 --> 00:10:35,760
- It's probably best if I wait
there in case the police come.
- [Dirk, Muted]

171
00:10:35,865 --> 00:10:38,800
- [Bangs On Door]
- Yeah, that's, uh, probably a good idea.

172
00:10:38,901 --> 00:10:41,461
- Yeah.
- Okay, right there. You found it.

173
00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:43,834
Okay, a little less pressure.

174
00:10:45,341 --> 00:10:49,243
- Whew!
- I can't believe Dirk faked his death too.

175
00:10:49,345 --> 00:10:53,406
He got the idea from me. That's why karma
wouldn't let me find a pen and cross her off.

176
00:10:53,516 --> 00:10:56,747
- I'm not done.
- Are you gonna tell her that he's alive?

177
00:10:56,852 --> 00:10:59,252
She thinks he's dead, but he's not.
He's not dead.

178
00:10:59,355 --> 00:11:01,983
He's living. He's alive.
He's not dead like she thinks he is.

179
00:11:02,091 --> 00:11:03,991
I think I should tell her,
right?

180
00:11:04,093 --> 00:11:06,823
You can't tell a girl two men faked
their deaths to get away from her.

181
00:11:06,929 --> 00:11:10,023
- It will crush her spirit.
- What am I supposed to do then?

182
00:11:10,132 --> 00:11:13,067
She's very upset.
She's been through a lot, she thinks.

183
00:11:13,169 --> 00:11:15,069
So be her friend
and comfort her.

184
00:11:15,171 --> 00:11:19,039
Maybe if a man is nice to her for a
change, it will build up her confidence.

185
00:11:19,141 --> 00:11:22,372
- Trust me. I'm a woman.
- She's right, Earl.

186
00:11:22,478 --> 00:11:26,005
She is a woman, and we're men.
You remember how we talked about that.

187
00:11:26,115 --> 00:11:29,084
Yeah, I got it, Randy.
Thanks.

188
00:11:30,719 --> 00:11:33,210
[Earl Narrating] The first few days
of hanging out with Natalie...

189
00:11:33,322 --> 00:11:35,222
all she did was wait
for the phone to ring.

190
00:11:35,324 --> 00:11:38,555
Since I knew it wasn't gonna, I thought
I should get her out of the house.

191
00:11:38,661 --> 00:11:40,856
Who's up for a hike?

192
00:11:42,198 --> 00:11:45,258
- Come on. You love hikes.
- Mmm.

193
00:11:53,509 --> 00:11:55,409
" Pwease" go on
a hike with me.

194
00:11:58,881 --> 00:12:00,781
"Otay."

195
00:12:03,485 --> 00:12:05,385
See? Hiking.

196
00:12:05,487 --> 00:12:09,321
Huh? This is fun.
I like going uphill.

197
00:12:09,425 --> 00:12:11,484
I wish we could go uphill
on the way back.

198
00:12:11,594 --> 00:12:14,927
[Earl Narrating] All I had to do was seem
interested in the things she liked doing...

199
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:17,157
and she started to cheer up.

200
00:12:17,266 --> 00:12:19,257
Hiking turned into
arts and crafts.

201
00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:23,168
I started to, uh, make you
a magical fairy...

202
00:12:23,272 --> 00:12:27,538
but I ended up with,
uh, a magical clump.

203
00:12:27,643 --> 00:12:30,737
Thanks.
It's a very nice clump.

204
00:12:32,181 --> 00:12:35,639
I'll name him Alexander.
Alexander the Clump.

205
00:12:35,751 --> 00:12:38,311
Or Pepe.
How about Pepe the Clump?

206
00:12:39,588 --> 00:12:42,682
- I don't get it. Why Pepe?
- Oh, Pepe's a name.

207
00:12:42,791 --> 00:12:45,055
I think it's Mexican.

208
00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,994
Jose, Rodrigo, Pepe.
Yeah, it's Mexican.

209
00:12:49,098 --> 00:12:51,658
[Earl Narrating]
Papier-mâchéin'turned into picnickin'.

210
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:55,362
For smelling like feet,
this cheese is pretty damn good.

211
00:12:56,472 --> 00:12:59,202
- I love you.
- What?

212
00:12:59,308 --> 00:13:01,708
[Earl Narrating] Then our picnic some how
turned into a relationship.

213
00:13:01,810 --> 00:13:05,268
I don't ever want you to think you're
not good enough for me again.

214
00:13:05,381 --> 00:13:10,114
You're perfect for me. My little butterfly
flew away, but he came back.

215
00:13:10,219 --> 00:13:12,119
He came back.

216
00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:15,713
[Earl Narrating] And like a butterfly,
I too was trapped.

217
00:13:15,824 --> 00:13:20,625
But instead of a net, I was caught
by a crazy girl wiping her nose on me.

218
00:13:30,005 --> 00:13:32,303
- She told me she loves me.
- What?

219
00:13:32,408 --> 00:13:35,468
I was nice to her like you told me to,
and she told me she loved me.

220
00:13:35,577 --> 00:13:38,239
She even rubbed her nose
against mine, real soft.

221
00:13:38,347 --> 00:13:41,145
What'd that feel like?

222
00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:43,343
It tickled for a second,
but then it itched.

223
00:13:43,452 --> 00:13:45,716
You must have been
too nice to her.

224
00:13:45,821 --> 00:13:48,221
Too nice?
You didn't tell me how nice to be to her.

225
00:13:48,324 --> 00:13:50,918
You just told me to be nice.
She thinks we're back together.

226
00:13:51,026 --> 00:13:55,122
Hey, Earl, is there a condom machine
around here?

227
00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:59,667
- No, Dirk.
- Hey, what are these?

228
00:13:59,768 --> 00:14:04,000
- Shower caps.
- That could work.

229
00:14:04,106 --> 00:14:07,337
Hey, Earl, you want me to tell
Natalie you're dead again?

230
00:14:07,443 --> 00:14:10,776
- You can't do that.
- What am I supposed to do then, huh?

231
00:14:10,879 --> 00:14:13,848
I don't wanna hurt her feelings,
but how am I supposed to get rid of her?

232
00:14:13,949 --> 00:14:16,042
She's been kicked around
by men her whole life.

233
00:14:16,151 --> 00:14:18,779
You have to give her the power.
Let her break up with you.

234
00:14:18,887 --> 00:14:22,186
She won't do that. Thanks to you,
I'm her nature-hiking...

235
00:14:22,291 --> 00:14:25,852
papier-mâchéing, soft-nose-rubbing
butterfly in shining armor.

236
00:14:25,961 --> 00:14:28,896
So change.
Be a bad boyfriend.

237
00:14:28,997 --> 00:14:31,625
Bad boyfriend?
It's not that easy.

238
00:14:31,734 --> 00:14:34,532
Being mean goes against everything
I stand for these days.

239
00:14:35,904 --> 00:14:38,702
Hey, Catalina,
the mouse catcher's full again.

240
00:14:38,807 --> 00:14:40,968
[Earl Narrating] I knew being a bad guy
was gonna be hard...

241
00:14:41,076 --> 00:14:45,012
but since Catalina said it was
for Natalie's own good, I gave it my all.

242
00:14:45,114 --> 00:14:48,811
- Hey, look at the pretty yellow flowers.
- Aw.

243
00:14:52,554 --> 00:14:55,455
Happy Fourth of July!

244
00:14:57,092 --> 00:14:59,253
Check it out.
I made your bust.

245
00:14:59,361 --> 00:15:02,762
I upped you a cup.
You're welcome.

246
00:15:07,903 --> 00:15:09,871
Aahh!

247
00:15:09,972 --> 00:15:13,965
Excuse me.
[ Grunting ]

248
00:15:14,076 --> 00:15:15,976
[ Belching ]

249
00:15:16,078 --> 00:15:19,206
- [Zipper Unzipping]
- Honey, you think it might be better...

250
00:15:19,314 --> 00:15:21,441
to relieve yourself a little farther away
from the blanket?

251
00:15:21,550 --> 00:15:23,347
Nah.

252
00:15:25,421 --> 00:15:27,651
[Earl Narrating]
This poor girl was so insecure...

253
00:15:27,756 --> 00:15:29,656
there wasn't anything
she wouldn't put up with.

254
00:15:32,094 --> 00:15:34,619
Did you throw away my junk?

255
00:15:34,730 --> 00:15:37,290
[Earl Narrating] Nothing worked,
and I was running out of ideas...

256
00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:41,267
so Catalina agreed to help me put an end
to the whole thing once and fror all.

257
00:15:41,370 --> 00:15:44,430
[Earl]
Come in. Oh, yeah, mama!

258
00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:47,998
- [Grunting, Laughing]
- Earl, what's going on?

259
00:15:49,478 --> 00:15:52,038
Oh, just blowing off a little steam,
having a good time.

260
00:15:52,147 --> 00:15:54,980
Can't a guy have a party around here
without getting hassled?

261
00:15:55,083 --> 00:15:57,449
Pssh!
Get off my back.

262
00:15:57,553 --> 00:16:01,148
- [Catalina Giggling]
- You're right, Earl. Sorry for interrupting.

263
00:16:01,256 --> 00:16:03,156
Just have fun and call me
when you're done.

264
00:16:05,327 --> 00:16:07,955
"Call me when you're done"?
I'm in bed with another woman.

265
00:16:08,063 --> 00:16:10,691
- Don't you wanna slap me?
- Do you want me to?

266
00:16:10,799 --> 00:16:12,790
Oh!

267
00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:14,801
Natalie, this is not working.

268
00:16:14,903 --> 00:16:16,803
Remember when I said
it wasn'tyou, it was me?

269
00:16:16,905 --> 00:16:19,738
Well, it's not me, it's you.
It's all you.

270
00:16:19,842 --> 00:16:22,072
- Earl-
- No, no, no, no. I'm done listening to you.

271
00:16:22,177 --> 00:16:25,374
You're just as crazy
as she is.

272
00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:29,144
The truth is, you're clingy, you're
a doormat, you have no self-respect.

273
00:16:29,251 --> 00:16:32,584
That's why guys wanna leave you.
They have to get away from you.

274
00:16:32,688 --> 00:16:34,986
That's why I'm trying to
get you to break up with me now.

275
00:16:37,626 --> 00:16:42,029
Oh, yeah? Well, maybe it is you,
because Dirk didn't think I was a doormat.

276
00:16:42,130 --> 00:16:45,031
He didn't wanna leave me.
He loved me for who I am.

277
00:16:47,836 --> 00:16:50,532
[ Gasps ]

278
00:16:59,481 --> 00:17:01,676
Hey, Earl.

279
00:17:01,783 --> 00:17:04,115
Are there no other motels
in this town?

280
00:17:04,219 --> 00:17:06,744
Well, that went well.

281
00:17:06,855 --> 00:17:09,551
I know I was hard on her,
but she needed to hear the truth.

282
00:17:09,658 --> 00:17:11,956
And when she's over
being upset...

283
00:17:12,060 --> 00:17:14,722
it's gonna make her a better person
for the rest ofher life.

284
00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:17,765
[Earl Narrating] As it turned out, the rest
of her life wasn't that long.

285
00:17:17,933 --> 00:17:21,596
Sadly, Natalie's parents told me
she was so distraught overyet...

286
00:17:21,703 --> 00:17:24,968
another relationship ending
that she took her own life.

287
00:17:25,073 --> 00:17:28,042
[ Woman Sobbing ]

288
00:17:31,713 --> 00:17:34,546
[ All Gasping ]

289
00:17:36,818 --> 00:17:39,651
Yes, yes, yes!
Who's the joke on now, Earl Hickey?

290
00:17:39,755 --> 00:17:41,985
- Who's the joke on now?
- Me?

291
00:17:42,090 --> 00:17:45,321
That's right. Y-O-U.
How does it feel, huh?

292
00:17:45,427 --> 00:17:48,487
-How does it feel to think someone's dead?
-Crappy?

293
00:17:48,597 --> 00:17:53,227
Crappy's right. That's exactly how
you made me feel, Earl, twice.

294
00:17:53,335 --> 00:17:56,736
[Earl Narrating] It turned out that Catalina
and I were both kinda right.

295
00:17:56,838 --> 00:18:00,330
- By being honest with Natalie, I made her mad.
- [ Grunts ]

296
00:18:00,442 --> 00:18:02,808
That anger gave her the idea
to fake her death, and by doing that...

297
00:18:02,911 --> 00:18:06,847
she finally got to leave a relationship with
the power that Catalina said she needed.

298
00:18:06,949 --> 00:18:09,816
Natalie had finally stood up
for herself, and I admired her for that.

299
00:18:09,918 --> 00:18:12,512
Although her parents
had a different opinion.

300
00:18:12,621 --> 00:18:17,081
You could have at least told us
you were faking!

301
00:18:17,192 --> 00:18:20,753
- It had to seem real, Mom. Lighten up.
- [Murmuring]

302
00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:23,422
Oh, she's alive!
[Yelling]

303
00:18:23,532 --> 00:18:26,296
[Earl Narrating] Clearly, Natalie had finally
found her backbone.

304
00:18:26,401 --> 00:18:30,701
And as I had hoped, it carried on past
her funeral and into the rest of her life.

305
00:18:30,806 --> 00:18:34,105
Hey, Dirk, I' m still
getting your mail.

306
00:18:36,478 --> 00:18:39,777
It's from the clinic.
Somebody got themselves an S.T.D.

307
00:18:39,881 --> 00:18:42,441
- I can deal with that.
- Turn the page.

308
00:18:45,387 --> 00:18:50,120
Aw, crap!
Damn shower caps.

309
00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:52,955
[Earl Narrating] Her new found confidence
even let her finally show case...

310
00:18:53,061 --> 00:18:55,154
her wet newspaper art
in a public setting.

311
00:19:05,741 --> 00:19:11,680
[Earl Narrating] And because I'd earned it,
karma finally let me find a pen.

312
00:19:34,770 --> 00:19:37,261
It was nice to see Natalie
so happy, wasn't it?

313
00:19:37,372 --> 00:19:40,341
Yeah. I 'm glad
she's not dead anymore.

314
00:19:40,442 --> 00:19:42,967
Being dead is definitely worse
than being alive.

315
00:19:43,078 --> 00:19:45,205
When you're dead,
you can't do all the cool stuff...

316
00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:47,213
you can do
when you're alive.

317
00:19:47,315 --> 00:19:50,978
You and I, we can do all kinds of
cool stuff, cause we're living.

318
00:19:51,086 --> 00:19:53,145
We're not dead.
We're alive.

319
00:19:53,255 --> 00:19:56,247
If we were dead, we wouldn't
be able to do all the cool stuff...

320
00:19:56,358 --> 00:19:58,622
we can do
because we're alive.

321
00:19:58,727 --> 00:20:00,786
Dead people
can't do cool stuff.

322
00:20:00,896 --> 00:20:04,662
Only people that are alive can do
cool stuff, because they're living...

323
00:20:04,766 --> 00:20:07,633
and you have to be living
to be able to do cool stuff.

324
00:20:07,736 --> 00:20:10,796
You have to be alive.

325
00:20:10,906 --> 00:20:15,275
Yeah, except when you're alive,
sometimes bad stuff happens too.

326
00:20:15,377 --> 00:20:18,676
Like, sometimes you can get in a car wreck
or you can have a headache...

327
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:21,715
or twist your ankle
or even stub your big toe.

328
00:20:21,817 --> 00:20:23,876
So being alive's
kind a hard too...

329
00:20:23,985 --> 00:20:26,715
but I think it's definitely
better than being "a-dead."

330
00:20:27,491 --> 00:20:30,425
Montaje: mikiantimadridista & saave
Subtítulos: dahhny

331
00:20:31,491 --> 00:20:35,800
.: tusseries & subXpacio :.
