1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,333
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing but bad things...

2
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,372
and then wonders why
his life sucks?

3
00:00:09,242 --> 00:00:11,710
Well, that was me. Every time
somethin'good happened to me...

4
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:14,245
somethin' bad was always waitin'
around the corner.

5
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:17,746
Karma.

6
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,149
That's when I realized
I had to change.

7
00:00:21,588 --> 00:00:24,056
So I made a list
of everything bad I've ever done...

8
00:00:24,157 --> 00:00:27,126
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes.

9
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:29,195
I'm just tryin ' to be
a better person.

10
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,855
My name is Earl.

11
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,693
[Earl Narrating]
Winning $ 100,000 in the lottery...

12
00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:40,773
has opened the door
to the finer things in life.

13
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:45,106
- Where have you been?
- Food shoppin'.

14
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:48,908
- You got real Frosted Flakes.
- No more generic Sweetie Bits for you, brother.

15
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:50,915
You're ridin' the karma train now.

16
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:53,417
Choo, choo.

17
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,683
[Earl Narrating] I like being able
to afford nice things for my brother.

18
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,418
But having money
can create problems too.

19
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:01,858
That's my ex-wife Joy.

20
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,796
What do you think you're doing?

21
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:06,593
- Hi, Carolina.
- Catalina.

22
00:01:06,699 --> 00:01:10,692
Mmm, potato, tomato. So where
does Earl keep his money?

23
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:12,772
Earl is my friend. I'm not gonna
help you steal his money.

24
00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:15,033
Oh, well, that's unfortunate for you...

25
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:19,373
because you are not the one standing
with the freshly broken bottle, now, are you?

26
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:25,383
Well, this'll still hurt
if I hit you with it.

27
00:01:25,485 --> 00:01:27,680
Joy, I've told you a million times...

28
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,687
the money isn't in the room.

29
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,053
- Stop breaking in here and messing the place up.
- Fine.

30
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:35,457
But if you get to eat fancy cereal,
your kids should too.

31
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,994
They're not my kids,Joy.

32
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:42,159
That must have been
very scary for you.

33
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,078
I can't live like this, Joy.

34
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:55,511
What do I need to do to get you
to stop trying to steal my money?

35
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,549
Buy me a hot tub.

36
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:59,550
I'm not gonna buy you a hot tub.

37
00:01:59,652 --> 00:02:01,813
I need my money to help me
cross the things off my list.

38
00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:03,912
Hey, Earl, thanks for the flakes.

39
00:02:04,023 --> 00:02:06,014
No problem, Crab Man.

40
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,185
You and that stupid list of things
you done bad to people-

41
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,694
- I better be on there somewhere.
- You are.

42
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:13,789
- There was a lot of things on here I did to you.
- Like what?

43
00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:16,528
- You want me to do one?
- Well, what's on there?

44
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,799
- If I do one, will you leave me alone for a while?
- Yeah, fine. What's on there?

45
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,336
All right, here's a good one.

46
00:02:23,443 --> 00:02:27,004
Number 153- broke Joy's fancy figurine.

47
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:32,376
I found something.

48
00:02:37,724 --> 00:02:39,851
[Giggling]

49
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:47,595
Beer bottle. I'll get a beer bottle.

50
00:02:49,836 --> 00:02:53,499
- You're the one that broke my figurine?
- I'm gonna make it up to you.

51
00:02:53,606 --> 00:02:55,574
Are you now?
Let me ask you a question.

52
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:58,200
What happens when you can't fix
the bad thing you done to somebody?

53
00:02:58,311 --> 00:03:02,338
- What do you do then?
- I guess I figure out another
way to make it up to them.

54
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:05,645
- Like maybe buying them a hot tub?
- I'm not buying you a hot tub.

55
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:08,744
I don't think you have a choice,
'cause that figurine was irreplaceable.

56
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,346
It was a weird little princess
riding a lawn mower.

57
00:03:11,457 --> 00:03:14,017
Just tell me where you got it
and I can buy you a new one.

58
00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:17,187
Hey, Earl-Temporary tattoos.
You want 'em?

59
00:03:17,297 --> 00:03:20,596
No, thanks, Crab Man. Make me itch.

60
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,895
I'll be back with your figurine.

61
00:03:23,002 --> 00:03:26,460
Yeah, and I'll be buck naked behind
the trailer, waitin' for my hot tub.

62
00:03:26,573 --> 00:03:28,541
Come on, boys. Get up here
and eat your spaghetti.

63
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:33,109
[Earl Narrating]
Once I start doing something on my list...

64
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,545
I become obsessed with it
until I cross it off.

65
00:03:35,648 --> 00:03:38,947
I was even dreaming
about that stupid figurine.

66
00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:07,239
"Balboa & Sons Lawn Mowers."

67
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:14,512
They're always jabbin' me, and it's
easier to do this while you're sleepin'.

68
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:17,647
Thank God. I was startin'
to worry they weren't growin'.

69
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,725
Ma'am?

70
00:04:26,833 --> 00:04:28,994
I'm looking to get
some information...

71
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,297
on a figurine with a princess
riding a lawn mower...

72
00:04:31,404 --> 00:04:33,304
that had your company's name on it.

73
00:04:33,406 --> 00:04:36,967
Oh. You'll need to speak
to Gertrude Balboa.

74
00:04:37,076 --> 00:04:41,445
- Her office is through that door.
- Thank you.

75
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:49,053
[Hisses]

76
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,690
Do you know when
Mrs. Balboa will be in?

77
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:56,193
Hello. I'm Gertrude Balboa.

78
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,526
How may I help you?

79
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:00,826
Oh, well, what do you know?

80
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,924
It's a pleasure, Mrs. Balboa.

81
00:05:04,570 --> 00:05:07,130
- So, do you know what those figurines are?
- Of course.

82
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,208
For over 40 years...

83
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,870
they've been first prize in
mother/daughter beauty pageants.

84
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,879
How wonderful.

85
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:17,973
You see, I'm trying to replace one
for my ex-wife, Joy Darville.

86
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:20,382
Joy Darville?
[Chuckles]

87
00:05:20,486 --> 00:05:23,284
Adorable child.

88
00:05:23,389 --> 00:05:26,517
- [Applause]
- I'm number one. I'm number one.

89
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,526
Of course, that was the year before...

90
00:05:28,628 --> 00:05:32,655
Shelly Stoker and her mother
started entering the pageant.

91
00:05:32,765 --> 00:05:36,201
[Applause, Whistles]

92
00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,566
This year's Balboa & Sons Lawn Mowers...

93
00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,162
Prettiest Pretty Princesses are...

94
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:43,265
Elaine Stoker and daughter Shelly.

95
00:05:43,376 --> 00:05:46,209
[Cheers, Applause]

96
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:48,837
That began the reign of the Stokers.

97
00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:51,178
Joy never won again.

98
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:55,818
She only got one figurine,
and I blew it up. Damn!

99
00:05:55,922 --> 00:05:58,516
- Language.
- Sorry.

100
00:05:58,624 --> 00:06:04,028
Look. I need to make up for something
terrible I did. Can I buy a figurine?

101
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,223
Oh, out of the question.

102
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:08,926
See, the only way to get one...

103
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:13,529
is to be crowned Prettiest Pretty Princess.

104
00:06:13,639 --> 00:06:17,439
Ow! Earl, you gotta
touch this thing. It's really hot.

105
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:19,670
[Earl Narrating]
Since Gertrude wouldn't sell us a figurine...

106
00:06:19,779 --> 00:06:23,840
we tracked down the only other person
we knew that had one- Shelly Stoker.

107
00:06:23,950 --> 00:06:26,783
I just can't believe you were
married to Joy Darville.

108
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:30,117
I haven't thought about how
much better I am than her in years.

109
00:06:33,059 --> 00:06:35,084
So, do you think I can buy
a figurine from you?

110
00:06:35,194 --> 00:06:38,391
Now, what kind of example would
that set for Candy if I sold you one?

111
00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:40,864
If you do not put that
book down, I don't know what.

112
00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:44,894
Candy's gonna win
her very first figurine...

113
00:06:45,004 --> 00:06:47,063
at the 46th annual
Balboa & Sons Lawn Mowers...

114
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:49,971
Prettiest Pretty Pageant next week.

115
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,567
Not if we can't find someone
to help us with our talent portion.

116
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:54,942
My mom's boyfriend
broke up with her.

117
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,277
- Watch your tongue, Little Miss Mouthy.
- Yesterday.

118
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,317
I broke up with him.
You can't rely on men.

119
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,887
My mother told me that,
but did I listen?

120
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:05,116
- No. I bet you're not reliable.
- Not really.

121
00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,988
No man is. We're all alone.

122
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:10,824
We're all alone in this world.

123
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:18,336
I'm sorry, Shelly. We didn't
mean to cause any trouble.

124
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:23,801
- How tall are you?
- 6'1"... and a half.

125
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:26,504
If you'd be willing
to help us out with our talent...

126
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,807
we might be able to work
something out with that figurine.

127
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:32,146
No problem. What's your talent?

128
00:07:34,353 --> 00:07:37,322
Oh, man. You gotta let me try that.

129
00:07:37,423 --> 00:07:40,153
Do not let him try that.

130
00:07:48,668 --> 00:07:52,195
How come you never told me
you won a beauty contest?

131
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,763
Every day I walk out of my
front door I win a beauty contest.

132
00:07:55,875 --> 00:07:57,775
Did you get me my hot tub yet?

133
00:07:57,877 --> 00:08:00,107
Better. I'm gonna get you
a Prettiest Pretty figurine.

134
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:02,147
You can't buy those, Earl.

135
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,182
No, but you can win 'em.

136
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:07,480
Oh, yeah? What, you and your mama
gonna enter the next pageant?

137
00:08:07,587 --> 00:08:10,385
What you gonna do,
put your mustache in pigtails?

138
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,050
I'm gonna help Shelly Stoker
and her daughter with their talent...

139
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,684
and when they win, they're
gonna let me keep the figurine.

140
00:08:15,795 --> 00:08:18,491
I don't want the damn figurine.
I want my hot tub.

141
00:08:18,598 --> 00:08:21,396
Now, I'm the one on your list.
You have to listen to me.

142
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,129
What's on my list is, I broke
a little girl's beauty pageant prize...

143
00:08:24,237 --> 00:08:26,137
and I'm gonna give
that little girl her prize back.

144
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,139
Okay, well, that little girl is gone now...

145
00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:31,176
and the woman that took her place wants
to sit and drink rum in 106-degree water.

146
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:34,178
- Sorry. Soon as I get you that figurine-
- [Mouthing Words]

147
00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,010
- I'm crossin' you off.
- Well-

148
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:40,176
Well, what if you don't win?

149
00:08:40,286 --> 00:08:43,050
Hmm? See, 'cause I been thinkin' about
getting back into the pageant business...

150
00:08:43,155 --> 00:08:46,818
and if I win the figurine myself,
then you can't cross me off.

151
00:08:46,926 --> 00:08:49,827
You know, that'd be great
if, uh, you had a daughter.

152
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:53,262
You don't know. I might be pregnant
with a little girl right now.

153
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,893
- The pageant's next week, not in nine months.
- That'll make her the cutest...

154
00:08:57,003 --> 00:09:00,905
tiniest daughter in the whole
pageant, now, won't it?

155
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:05,341
Give it up, Joy. You're not gettin'
a hot tub. You're gettin' a figurine.

156
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:08,971
[Earl Narrating]
I knew there was no way we could lose.

157
00:09:09,081 --> 00:09:11,515
Shelly told me the Stoker women had a gift-

158
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:15,986
a gift that was passed down from generation
to generation of Stoker women.

159
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:18,784
[Crowd Chattering]

160
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:39,535
I have to admit, it was impressive.

161
00:09:39,645 --> 00:09:42,409
Candy, come on.
It's your turn to practice.

162
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:45,712
Finally. Let's see our little Stoker
break out the gift.

163
00:09:45,818 --> 00:09:48,286
- I don't have the gift.
- Excuse me?

164
00:09:48,387 --> 00:09:51,288
Don't worry. She practices
with rubber knives.

165
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,295
[Grunts]

166
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,728
[Grunting]

167
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,294
Uh, h-how many days
until the competition?

168
00:10:06,405 --> 00:10:10,398
Three, right? That's starting
to seem a little short.

169
00:10:10,509 --> 00:10:12,409
You are not even trying.

170
00:10:12,511 --> 00:10:15,571
If we are gonna win this pageant,
you have got to use your talent.

171
00:10:15,681 --> 00:10:17,808
God made some of us super pretty...

172
00:10:17,917 --> 00:10:19,885
and some of us knife throwers.

173
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:23,979
Now, believe in the gift.
You are a Stoker.

174
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,285
Maybe she can just
twirl a baton or something?

175
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:32,023
You need a game situation.
Real knives with a real person.

176
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:36,033
That is the only way you're gonna reach
inside of yourself and grab hold of the gift.

177
00:10:36,135 --> 00:10:38,797
[Stammering]
You know, I 'd like to go home now, actually.

178
00:10:38,904 --> 00:10:40,701
- [Moans]
- Do it, Candy.

179
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:44,037
Now! Throw them now, now, now!

180
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:46,270
Throw them, Candy!
Throw them!

181
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,677
[Sharp Grunts]

182
00:10:54,787 --> 00:10:57,347
Oh! Baby has the gift.

183
00:10:57,456 --> 00:10:59,583
She has the gift.
You have the gift.

184
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:02,525
I 'm gonna go call Grandma.

185
00:11:02,628 --> 00:11:04,823
Whoa.

186
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:07,398
[Earl Narrating]
While I was risking my life...

187
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,968
trting to win the
mother/daughter pageant...

188
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:12,537
Joy was trying to find a way to enter.

189
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,868
You're too little.

190
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:17,670
Too tall.

191
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:21,144
My God. Too many damn freckles.
[Chuckles]

192
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:24,341
And you're cute, but you just
don't have that "it" factor.

193
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:27,710
- And how old are you?
- Seven.

194
00:11:27,820 --> 00:11:30,311
Open your mouth.

195
00:11:32,858 --> 00:11:34,758
What do you think you're doing?

196
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,760
I'm adopting.

197
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,762
[Earl Narrating]
Now, with me not around...

198
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:42,391
Randy took advantage
of a little alone time with Catalina.

199
00:11:42,501 --> 00:11:45,061
- Two jacks. That's war.
- No, no, no, Catalina.

200
00:11:45,171 --> 00:11:48,607
In this country, that's called "truce"...

201
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,835
and we hug.

202
00:11:54,847 --> 00:11:57,042
We're a peaceful nation.

203
00:11:57,149 --> 00:11:59,982
You were amazing today.
There's no way we can lose this thing.

204
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,281
Uh-huh.

205
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,583
We're just lucky you realized
you had the gift in time.

206
00:12:04,690 --> 00:12:07,022
I've known since I was two.

207
00:12:07,126 --> 00:12:09,617
[Buzzing]

208
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:13,460
I never told my mom 'cause I don't
want to do stupid beauty pageants.

209
00:12:15,634 --> 00:12:17,602
Well, have you told her
you think they're stupid?

210
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,728
No. She'd just get mad.

211
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,932
She wants me to be just like her.

212
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:25,238
But I like school.
I want to be a doctor someday.

213
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,443
Candy-

214
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,948
There are too many
doctors in the world...

215
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:34,451
and if I don't get that figurine...

216
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:36,521
I have to buy my ex-wife a hot tub...

217
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:38,920
and hot tubs cost a lot of cake.

218
00:12:39,024 --> 00:12:41,891
So you need to listen to your mother.

219
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:45,054
[Earl Narrating] While I was
making sure Candy stayed focused...

220
00:12:45,164 --> 00:12:47,564
Joy was making her last attempts
at getting into the pageant.

221
00:12:47,666 --> 00:12:51,193
Mama, I don't have a daughter.
That's why I need you to enter it with me.

222
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:56,069
Well, fine. All that smoking turned
your skin to leather anyway.

223
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:59,906
- [Beeps]
- Like Shelly's family were
knife throwers for generations...

224
00:13:00,012 --> 00:13:02,173
Joy's family were smokers-

225
00:13:02,281 --> 00:13:04,374
And that gave Joy an idea.

226
00:13:07,153 --> 00:13:09,519
[Indistinct Conversations]

227
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,250
- Hello.
- Hi.

228
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,519
Uh, do you know what order
we're gonna go in?

229
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,289
'Cause I don't want to get
in my sequined jumpsuit just yet.

230
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,523
What are you doing here?

231
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,159
I came to take home
one figurine and one hot tub.

232
00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,964
Me and my dead mama's ashes would
like to enter the pageant, please.

233
00:13:32,311 --> 00:13:35,280
Baby, I know you don't smoke, but
you're gonna have to pick up the pace.

234
00:13:40,419 --> 00:13:44,287
Unfortunately, there was no rule that said
that both mother and daughter had to be alive.

235
00:13:44,390 --> 00:13:47,120
There's a cigarette butt in here.

236
00:13:48,494 --> 00:13:51,952
Well, that makes sense.
That's what took her.

237
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:02,838
[Earl Narrating]
Never having been to a beauty pageant before...

238
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:05,968
I gotta tell you,
they put on quite a show.

239
00:14:06,078 --> 00:14:08,171
I even got to meet
a hometown celebrity.

240
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,578
[Man On P.A.]
Welcome to the 46th annual Balboa & Sons...

241
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,551
mother/daughter Prettiest
Pretty Princess Pageant.

242
00:14:14,653 --> 00:14:16,553
Here's your emcee for the evening.

243
00:14:16,655 --> 00:14:18,418
You know him from TV's
Son of the Beach...

244
00:14:18,524 --> 00:14:21,516
and he was recently robbed of
a spot on Dancin' with the Stars...

245
00:14:21,627 --> 00:14:25,256
- Mr. Tim Stack!
- [Cheers, Applause]

246
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,506
[Earl Narrating]
But it wasn't all lights and superstars.

247
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,142
Competition quickly took over.

248
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:49,721
[Audience Cheering ]

249
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:51,847
Aren't they lovely, folks?

250
00:14:51,957 --> 00:14:53,925
The model number on those mowers...

251
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:57,291
is 5-5-4, "Z" as in zebra.

252
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:01,725
Now let's welcome
to the stage Joy Darville...

253
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:05,429
and the lovely but no longer
with us Mother Darville.

254
00:15:05,537 --> 00:15:07,596
[Cheers, Applause]

255
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,110
[Stack]
Joy hails from Camden County...

256
00:15:14,213 --> 00:15:17,614
where she enjoys feeding,
sheltering and cleaning the poor.

257
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,960
Those are your bathing suits?
Are you kiddin' me?

258
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,657
If we're gonna win this thing,
you guys gotta show a little more skin.

259
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,530
Relax. It's all gonna
come down to the talent.

260
00:15:36,635 --> 00:15:38,603
Besides, I can't wear a bikini.

261
00:15:38,704 --> 00:15:40,604
Somebody couldn't find
her way out of Mommy...

262
00:15:40,706 --> 00:15:42,640
so I had to mutilate
my stomach with a C-section.

263
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:45,835
[Earl Narrating] Joy knew she
couldn't compete with knife throwing...

264
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,913
but she wasn't going down
without a fight.

265
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,525
[Mouthing Words]

266
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:16,498
[Earl Narrating]
Evertone was touched.

267
00:16:16,608 --> 00:16:19,975
And to make sure no one could claim her
dead mother didn't actually participate...

268
00:16:20,079 --> 00:16:22,877
Joy brought her into the act.

269
00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:29,854
[Applause]

270
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,019
The Darvilles, everybody. The Darvilles.

271
00:16:37,129 --> 00:16:39,529
[Earl Narrating]
The audience really sparked to Joy...

272
00:16:39,631 --> 00:16:44,694
but I was confident a pair of knife-throwing
dynamos would lead us to victort.

273
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:48,534
Winning this pageant is gonna be
the beginning of great things for us.

274
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:51,370
After we win, we're gonna tour
the country, just like my mother and I did.

275
00:16:51,477 --> 00:16:54,537
- You'll be the Prettiest Pretty in every county.
- How will I go to school?

276
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:57,308
I'll home-school you. I'll teach you
everything you need to know about winning.

277
00:16:57,416 --> 00:17:00,180
Mom, I wanna be
a doctor someday.

278
00:17:00,285 --> 00:17:03,880
Honey, if I wanted a doctor
in the family, I would have made a boy.

279
00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:06,423
I'll go get our knives.

280
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:11,654
[Earl Narrating] It was right then
that I realized what I had to do.

281
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:15,666
As much as I wanted to win
that figurine and cross Joy off my list...

282
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,703
it wasn't right to hurt
this little girl to do it.

283
00:17:18,804 --> 00:17:20,738
- Candy?
- Yeah?

284
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:25,276
- I want you to hit me with the knife.
- What?

285
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:27,277
Hit me in the leg.

286
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,177
It's the only way your nut-job mother
is gonna let you off the hook.

287
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,273
You gotta lose.

288
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,682
But then we won't get the figurine...

289
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:36,846
and you're gonna have to buy
your ex-wife a hot tub-

290
00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:38,855
And hot tubs cost a lot of cake.

291
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,857
It's okay.

292
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:44,019
Besides, when I'm old
I might need a doctor...

293
00:17:44,129 --> 00:17:46,359
and I'd like that doctor to be you.

294
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:49,866
Thanks, Earl.

295
00:17:49,968 --> 00:17:52,300
But won't it hurt if I throw
a knife in your leg?

296
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,237
Aw, don't worry about it.
I been stabbed by plenty of girls.

297
00:17:55,340 --> 00:17:59,709
Only really hurts when you twist it,
pull it out, and stick it back in.

298
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:02,280
All right! Let's welcome to the stage...

299
00:18:02,381 --> 00:18:05,942
the amazing talents
of Shelly and Candy Stoker.

300
00:18:09,054 --> 00:18:12,046
[Audience Applauds]

301
00:18:41,420 --> 00:18:43,820
[Gasping, Murmuring]

302
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,819
[Applause ]

303
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:11,180
- [Audience Gasps]
- [Groaning]

304
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:20,214
[Earl Narrating] As happy as her
little face was, all I could think about...

305
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:23,817
was being stabbed was much
more painful than I remembered.

306
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:27,330
Ladies and gentlemen, this year's
Balboa & Sons Lawn Mowers...

307
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:30,230
Prettiest Pretty Princesses are...

308
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:33,532
Joy Darville and cremated Mother Darville.

309
00:19:41,580 --> 00:19:43,639
[Earl Narrating]
By taking that knife in the leg...

310
00:19:43,749 --> 00:19:47,378
not only did I help one
little girl's dream to be a doctor...

311
00:19:47,486 --> 00:19:50,046
I also brought back the little girl in Joy.

312
00:19:51,623 --> 00:19:54,888
When I broke that figurine, I broke more...

313
00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:59,191
than a ceramic little girl riding a 487
side-discharged, self-mulching lawn mower.

314
00:19:59,298 --> 00:20:02,859
I had taken away a proud
memort from Joy's childhood.

315
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,028
And whether she knew it or not, that
was more important to her than a hot tub.

316
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,106
[J oy's Voice]
I got it on my own.

317
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,698
You still owe me
a hot tub, you idiot.

318
00:20:10,809 --> 00:20:13,369
[Earl Narrating] I could have
told her she didn't do it on her own...

319
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:18,040
but then I would have taken away
her victory, and I didn't want to do that.

320
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:22,018
Besides, it doesn't matter if Joy
thinks I can cross her off my list or not.

321
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,419
All that matters is that I know I can.

322
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:38,326
Come on, Earl.
I'm not gonna be able to sleep.

323
00:20:38,437 --> 00:20:40,871
- Randy-
-Just listen. I'm only missing one.

324
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,237
[Sighs]
Fine.

325
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:48,541
There was Hannibal,
B.A., Faceman, and-

326
00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,547
Murdock.

327
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:53,209
Yeah. Murdock.

328
00:20:53,318 --> 00:20:55,479
Now turn the lamp off
and go to sleep.

329
00:20:59,691 --> 00:21:02,524
What was the monkey's name
in B.J. and the Bear?

330
00:21:02,628 --> 00:21:04,763
Randy.

998
00:21:05,491 --> 00:21:08,425
Montaje: mikiantimadridista & jesuscas
Subtítulos: dahhny

999
00:21:10,491 --> 00:21:13,800
.: tusseries & subXpacio :.
