1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,160
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing but bad things...

2
00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,120
and then wonders why
his life sucks?

3
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:11,280
Well, that was me. Every time
somethin' good happened to me...

4
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:13,720
somethin' bad was always waitin'
around the corner.

5
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,040
Karma.

6
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,360
That's when I realized
I had to change.

7
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,120
So I made a list
of everything bad I've ever done...

8
00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,040
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes.

9
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:28,040
I'm just tryin' to be
a better person.

10
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:30,680
My name is Earl.

11
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,600
[ Earl Narrating ]
Back in my criminal days...

12
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,600
I used to steal loose change
out of cars.

13
00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:37,640
Since there's no way to give the right change
back to the right people...

14
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,880
I have to find other ways
to pay the world back.

15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,080
- Hey, Earl, wait up.
- Officer Ross.

16
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,120
You, uh, dropped your gun.

17
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,120
Oh.

18
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,840
[ Grunts ]
Cool.

19
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:53,960
Thanks. Uh, I'm gonna have to
give you a ticket...

20
00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:56,440
because it's illegal puttin'
money in other people's meters.

21
00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:59,360
- Seriously? Why?
- I don't know.

22
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,360
Anyways, I'm gonna need
to see your license.

23
00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:03,240
My license?

24
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,320
I don't have my license.
My ex-wife does and won't give it back.

25
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,400
- Why?
- Well, 'cause she's crazy...

26
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,640
and it gives her an excuse
to torture me.

27
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,520
[Camera Shutter Clicking]

28
00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,200
You sure this will help the guys
in the Gulfwin the war?

29
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,480
Once I go spread-eagle
Whitesnake-style on the hood, it will.

30
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,560
Those boys need to remember
what they're fightin' for.

31
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,880
Hold on. I got an eye booger
the size of a walnut.

32
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,400
Oh, snap.

33
00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,040
Earl's driver's license.
[ Chuckles ]

34
00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:44,160
Earl's driver's license.
[ Chuckles ]

35
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,320
Holdin' on to this for a rainy day.

36
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,160
Too bad it didn't thunder when you said that.
That would have been cool.

37
00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:52,960
- Like you're a evil genius or something.
- That would have been cool.

38
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:58,400
I'm holdin' on to this
for a rainy day!

39
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,440
I think you need clouds for thunder.

40
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,360
[Wings Flapping]

41
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:10,240
[ Gasps ]
Look at that bird up there.

42
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,680
How the hell do they stay
up there like that?

43
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,960
Wait. So what you're sayin' is,
is that you've been...

44
00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,280
operatin' your motorvehicle
without a license.

45
00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,240
Yeah, yeah. That's what I'm sayin'.

46
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:24,160
[Earl Narrating]
So instead of gettin' one ticket, I got two.

47
00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:28,200
I couldn't understand why karma was
punishing me for tryin' to do somethin'good.

48
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,120
And why was it makin'me go see Joy?

49
00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:32,480
Joy, just give me my license.

50
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,280
Why? What's in it for me?

51
00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,200
Well, you'd be doin' a nice thing...

52
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:39,360
which would get you
two steps closer to heaven.

53
00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:43,080
And if I had to guess, you're probably a few
steps closer to somewhere else.

54
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,160
Look, Earl, I'd love to
give you your license back.

55
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:51,640
But before I return it, I'm gonna need
to see some form of identification.

56
00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:58,600
Some- Some kind of picture I.D.
Perhaps a license.

57
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:02,160
You know,Joy, technically,
that license is state property.

58
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,400
It doesn't belong
to either one of you.

59
00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,280
Darnell, you're paintin'
a turtle right now...

60
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:10,160
and I'm not takin'legal advice
from you or any other turtle painter.

61
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:13,880
I'm just makin' him more visible.
The kids keep steppin' on him.

62
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,160
You want your license back?

63
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,320
Well, I want somethin' from you.

64
00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,720
Fine. What do you want me to do?

65
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,880
I want you to fix
that hole in the wall...

66
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,960
behind the Jesus-eatin'-dinner
picture that you put there.

67
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,880
[Earl Narrating]
The hole Joy was talkin'about...

68
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:29,200
dated back to a fight
we'd had years before.

69
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:33,520
You cheatin' son of a bitch! You're supposed
to say "uno" when you only got one card left!

70
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,320
- I said "one."
- You're supposed to say "uno"!
It's a Mexican game.

71
00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:42,200
This is why the kids won't play
Candy Land with you anymore.

72
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,280
-Joy, I'm not gonna fix that hole.
- Why not?

73
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,720
Isn't that what you do
on your idiot list? Fix things?

74
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:53,680
Only things that are my fault,
and that hole isn't one of 'em.

75
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,240
I can't believe there's
a hole behind this picture.

76
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:00,880
That's a relief. Last week it was
bangin' on the wall...

77
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:05,440
and I thought Jesus was mad at me for puttin'
that Darwin fish on the back of the car.

78
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,440
I guess it was just windy.

79
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:16,120
Come on, Randy. We have to drop Catalina off
and head down to the courthouse.

80
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,400
- I'm gonna have to pay for a new license.
- Hold on.

81
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,400
I'm tryin'to get
two earthworms to fight.

82
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,840
The one on the left keeps running.
Come on, homes. Kick his butt.

83
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:25,800
Do worms have butts?

84
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,320
If they do, they look
just like their faces.

85
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:30,560
[ Earl ]
Hey, that one looks kinda angry.

86
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,920
Maybe we should cut him in half
and make him fight himself.

87
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,480
I don't think that would work. If you cut me
in half, I wouldn't fight with my legs.

88
00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,720
I'd try to work with 'em
and get us to a hospital.

89
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:41,120
- Hey, guys.
- [ All ] Hey, Crab Man.

90
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,080
Darnell, do you know anything
about gettin' worms to fight?

91
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,880
Worms don't fight. They're peaceful,
loving people. They got five hearts.

92
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:52,760
Listen, Earl, I'm gonna turn around,
and then I'm gonna bend over and tie my shoe.

93
00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,240
You might wanna thumb
through my hair while I do.

94
00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,440
Okay.

95
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,840
Thanks, Crab Man.

96
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,240
No problem, Earl.

97
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,560
[Earl Narrating] That was by far
the best thing I'd ever foundin Darnell's hair.

98
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:15,240
And so I went down to the
courthouse to pay my tickets.

99
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:22,600
Bein' a metal detective's
gotta be the best job in the whole world.

100
00:05:22,720 --> 00:05:25,120
You get to see what everyone's
got in their pockets.

101
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,080
- Go on through.
- [ Beeping ]

102
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,200
- [ High-pitched Tone ]
- Look, this happens every time
I come through here.

103
00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:37,040
- Where's Phil? Phil knows.
- Phil has the bird flu. He's gonna be on the news.

104
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,400
- No, look, uh, it's nothing.
- [ High-pitched Tone ]

105
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:41,920
I- I have a condition.

106
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:44,480
What kind of condition?

107
00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,560
[ Softly]
There's a- a BB in my ass.

108
00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,880
- There's a- a BB in my-
- You have a what?

109
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,480
[Loudly] A BB in my ass, okay?
I have a BB in my ass!

110
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:58,440
[Earl Narrating] That's when I realized karma
wasn't punishing me by giving me those tickets.

111
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,920
It was leadin' me to
the courthouse to find her- Gwen Waters.

112
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,200
When I was little,
I had a crush on Gwen.

113
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,160
- [ Ricochet ]
- There was just somethin'about her.

114
00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:09,840
And while I never worked up
the courage to talk to her, other guys did.

115
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,200
And I didn't like it.

116
00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:14,880
I learned two things that day.

117
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,840
I hated guys with alligators
on their shirts-

118
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:19,360
- [ Yelps ]
- and I was a terrible shot.

119
00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:22,960
- Oh, crap.
- You just shot me!

120
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:24,680
Why won't you believe me?

121
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:27,120
We need a female officer here
for a cavity search.

122
00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,880
- We need to take you down here.
- I really don't like to be touched.

123
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,840
I know what I gotta do
next on my list, Randy.

124
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:37,000
Number 147- shot Gwen Waters
in the ass with a BB.

125
00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:40,400
I have a certain sensitivity to latex, okay?
I-I'm sure if you-

126
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:44,040
- For the love of God,
will somebody please call Phil?
- This way, ma'am.

127
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,680
[Earl Narrating] After I paid my ticket,
I waited around to talk to Gwen.

128
00:06:57,360 --> 00:07:00,000
Prosecution will show
that the defendant was taking money...

129
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,560
in exchange for sex at the Rainbow Burger
drive-through.

130
00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:06,600
That's a lie.
I wasn't takin' money for sex.

131
00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,520
I was takin' burgers for sex.

132
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:12,040
And curly fries for a diddle
and a pickle for a "lookee".

133
00:07:12,120 --> 00:07:14,040
What? It's my
Tuesday afternoon special.

134
00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,680
Uh, Your Honor, I think we might need
to talk about a plea bargain here.

135
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,480
Five-minute recess. In my chambers.

136
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,720
- Gwen?
- No, I will not draw your stupid kid.

137
00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:32,200
- No, Gwen, it's me, Earl Hickey.
- Earl Hickey.

138
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,920
How was that cavity search? Do you got any,
or do you brush pretty good?

139
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,920
- Randy, different cavity.
- Idiot.

140
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,600
- Name-caller.
- Wait. Gwen, look. I need to talk to you.

141
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:44,480
I made a list of all the bad
things I've done and...

142
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,400
well, your ass is on it.

143
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:50,960
See? Number 147-
shot Gwen Waters in the-

144
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:55,240
- Well, you know where.
- You should have put down how
you lied to my dad about it.

145
00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,240
[Earl Narrating]
It never occurred to me shooting Gwen...

146
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,280
wasn't the worst thing
I did to her that day.

147
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,920
Oh, my God! You just shot me!

148
00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,000
[ Earl Narrating]
I'd like to say I ran to Gwen's house to apologize...

149
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,280
- but the truth is I didn't want to get in trouble.
- I didn't shoot her.

150
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:14,080
I shot a crow carrying a rock. It must have
dropped and hit her in the butt.

151
00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,600
Gwen, how many times have I told you,
don't play with birds?

152
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,360
[Earl Narrating] Luckily for me,
Gwen's dad was a crazy drunk...

153
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,480
who believed a stupid lie from a juvenile
delinquent over his own daughter.

154
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,760
No way! Dad, are you actually
going to believe that crap?

155
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,560
Inside. Inside!

156
00:08:32,200 --> 00:08:33,680
[Door Opens, Closes]

157
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,800
Son of a bitch never
believed a word I said.

158
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:37,960
That was the last time
I ever talked to him.

159
00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,160
Are you serious? In 20 years?

160
00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,640
Yep. Two weeks later he left
my mom for another woman.

161
00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:45,640
I don't even know where he lives.

162
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:50,360
Out of my way! I'm not goin' to jail
for a cheeseburger "handy"!

163
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,560
[ Yelps ]

164
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,560
I gotta go draw that.

165
00:08:55,640 --> 00:09:00,640
- [ Man ] Oh, damn it, Patty!
- Just forget about it, Earl. I'll see you around.

166
00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:05,040
[ Randy] Why'd you ever
have a crush on her?

167
00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:09,400
She's a bitch, not the good kind like that
"Kiss my grits" lady from the diner show.

168
00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:13,560
She was all, "Kiss my grits."
We should go to Arizona.

169
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,960
Did you hear that, Randy? Because of me,
her and her dad never talked again.

170
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,880
I gotta fix that.

171
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,800
Before, when you said "different cavity",
did you mean butt cavity?

172
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:25,960
I'm afraid so, Randy.

173
00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:28,160
Sometimes I don't like
the world we live in.

174
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,480
[Earl Narrating] It ends up,
Gwen's dad wasn't hard to find.

175
00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,560
He was livin' outside
Hendersonville.

176
00:09:33,680 --> 00:09:36,760
I found out later, it was 'cause they wouldn't
let him inside Hendersonville.

177
00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,080
Mr. Waters?

178
00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,040
My name is Earl Hickey,
and you may not remember me...

179
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,280
but I wanna talk to you
about your daughter.

180
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,120
"Kipsie fopps".

181
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,720
Always like- [ Belches ]
Good lightbulb.

182
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,400
Yeah, 60-watt is a fine bulb.

183
00:09:57,520 --> 00:10:00,600
Anyway, how would you feel about goin'
to Camden to see your daughter?

184
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,520
[ Mumbles ]

185
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,480
I bet he's had 20 beers today.

186
00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,960
That's how many I had when I tried
to plug the television into that dog.

187
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:10,960
I don't think he
understood a word I said.

188
00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:13,480
Maybe we should go
and come back another time.

189
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,760
I don't think we can. Karma brought me
to the courthouse to do this now.

190
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,600
[ Grunting ]

191
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:21,760
- He's not just drunk. He's Uncle Roger drunk.
- I know.

192
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,240
Look, we'll just bring him back to Camden
anyway. We'll pour some coffee in him.

193
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:29,680
When he sobers up, I'll explain what I'm tryin'
to do, and then I'm sure he'll want to see Gwen.

194
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,000
[Earl Narrating] Turns out, gettin' Gwen's dad
back to Camden was a royal pain.

195
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,440
When we stopped to get coffee
to sober him up...

196
00:10:35,520 --> 00:10:38,080
even that turned into a nightmare.

197
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,120
There's no more!
Can I get some more cups, please!

198
00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,840
[ Yelps, Groans ]

199
00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:52,240
- S-Sorry about that!
- [ Urinating ]

200
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,480
That's not the bathroom!

201
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,320
Where is he?

202
00:11:02,440 --> 00:11:05,320
Hey! [Laughs ] Got you!

203
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:07,320
[Earl Narrating]
We got him off the roof...

204
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,520
by tellin'him we had beer hidden
in the back of the El Camino...

205
00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,880
and if he could find it,
he could have it.

206
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,280
Sign says 60 miles to Camden.

207
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,280
I wonder why they call it a mile.

208
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,200
Well, because that's what it is.

209
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,280
What else are you
gonna call it, a "clorp"?

210
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,680
No one would know
what you're talkin' about.

211
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,120
What are you doin'?

212
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:46,520
- [ Brakes Squealing ]
- [ Car Honks ]

213
00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:51,640
Son of a bitch.

214
00:11:56,120 --> 00:11:57,960
[Earl Narrating]
After losing Gwen's dad...

215
00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,360
we backtracked to his trailer,
hopin' to find him there.

216
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:04,040
I miss Uncle Roger.
Except for when he used to lick my cheeks.

217
00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:06,480
'Cause he was hungry
and you had food on your face.

218
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,920
If you would have used a napkin
once in a while, he would have let you alone.

219
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,920
[ Dog Barking In Distance ]

220
00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:16,520
I don't think we can get
this guy back to Camden, Randy.

221
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:21,080
I'm gonna have to bring Gwen here.
Let's start by gettin' him inside.

222
00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:26,280
[Earl Narrating] Patchin' up Gwen
and her father was provin' to be hard...

223
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:28,320
but we weren't givin'up.

224
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:31,400
Back at the trailerpark,
Darnell was tryin' to patch things up too.

225
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,360
Look, baby, I fixed the wall.

226
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,920
That's for Earl to fix, not you.

227
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:45,800
All right, this is
all the booze he's got.

228
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:47,880
It's gonna take a couple
hours to get Gwen.

229
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,200
- Make sure he doesn't drink anything.
- [Mr. Waters Shouting]

230
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,280
- What's he doin'?
- He's awake, so I put him in the
bath and threw in a bar of soap.

231
00:12:54,360 --> 00:12:58,760
- What'd he look like naked?
- Kinda like E.T. when they
found him by the river.

232
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,680
That poor little monkey.
He just wanted to phone home.

233
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,640
[Earl Narrating]
When I got to the courthouse...

234
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,240
I had to wait for a break
in the trial to talk to Gwen.

235
00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:11,640
You Honor,
the defendant solicited sex...

236
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:14,840
from a uniformed officer
in the middle of the day.

237
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,840
That is a lie.

238
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,800
Show the video.

239
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,000
Hey, I know you're a uniformed officer
and it's the middle of the day...

240
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:28,600
but would you like to
have sex with me for money?

241
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,240
Uh, You Honor, I'd like to
resign as this woman's counsel.

242
00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:35,400
[Earl Narrating] When I told Gwen what
I was doin', well, she wasn't very happy.

243
00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:39,160
No way. I am not going to Hendersonville
to talk to that son of a bitch.

244
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,080
Gwen, it's my daughter
Bianca's birthday-

245
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:43,760
I do not draw children, Claretta.

246
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,680
Look, I had a bad relationship
with my dad too...

247
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,200
but patchin' it up
makes you feel really good.

248
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,640
Yeah? But I'm guessing your father didn't treat
you like crap your entire childhood.

249
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:56,040
I do not want cake, Claretta.
Look,just forget about this, okay?

250
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,280
It's not your fault. You were just the straw
that broke the camel's back.

251
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,320
Uh, but that's the thing.
I'm the straw.

252
00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:04,600
Without the straw, the camel
wouldn't have a broken back.

253
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:08,240
Yes, but if you remove the straw
from the camel's back, that doesn't fix it.

254
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,480
The camel is still dead.

255
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:16,280
Camels can go 40 days without water.

256
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,160
We're done here.

257
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:25,520
[ Engine Shuts Off ]

258
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,520
She wouldn't come with me.

259
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,680
Where's the booze?

260
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:36,360
Randy, why is the door locked?

261
00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,400
He tricked me.

262
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:40,880
Please don't make me say how.

263
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,080
[ Lock Clicks ]

264
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,280
He threw my favorite food at me, Earl.
What was I supposed to do?

265
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,760
Randy, bologna isn't your favorite food.
Animal crackers are.

266
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,560
No, they're my favorite food
shaped like an animal.

267
00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,920
Do you even listen to me
when we talk at night?

268
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,840
[Earl Narrating]
That's when I snapped.

269
00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:13,520
I was gonna get Gwen and her father together
whether they liked it or not.

270
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,560
Oh, crap. There she is.
Here, get these boards off.

271
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:52,280
- Uh, hey, Gwen.
- Oh, for the love of God.

272
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,960
- If I shoot you with a BB gun,
will you leave me alone?
- It's too late for that.

273
00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:00,240
I know what you said about the whole camel and
straw thing, and you're a better arguer than me.

274
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:02,440
I just can't live with
this on my conscience.

275
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,720
- So I went ahead and brought your dad here.
- You what?

276
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,360
Hey, I tell you! Geez!

277
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,240
Get out of the way there,
bologna boy.

278
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,480
Earl, his pants are down.

279
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:17,720
He doesn't know that, Randy.
Just pull 'em up.

280
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,120
I don't wanna.
He's gross and his pants are gross.

281
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,040
- Randy.
- Oh, my God. That's my dad?

282
00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:25,000
That's his house?

283
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,280
Hey, hey, no. No!

284
00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,400
- He looks terrible.
- I know.

285
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:31,560
He's kind of a drunk.

286
00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:36,520
No! You pull 'em up, I'll poop 'em.

287
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:40,480
- My God, look at him.
- You want me to hold him down
so you can talk to him?

288
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,680
- No.
- Please? If you talk to him for a minute, I'm sure-

289
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,320
I can't believe I wasted half
my life being angry at him...

290
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,440
thinkin' he got away with
treating me like crap.

291
00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:50,400
Look at him.

292
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,400
[ Grunts ]

293
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,200
He didn't get away
with anything. He just...

294
00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:00,520
got what was coming to him.

295
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,080
Karma.

296
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,680
Well, this is weird.

297
00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:13,080
For the first time in 20 years,
I don't feel mad at my dad.

298
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,480
It's nice.
[ Chuckles ]

299
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,680
[Earl Narrating] It was then I remembered
why I had a crush on Gwen 20 years ago.

300
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:24,720
It was her smile.

301
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,680
She always had a beautiful smile.

302
00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,600
So, you gonna go talk to him?

303
00:17:28,680 --> 00:17:31,200
No. I already got
everything I needed.

304
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:35,240
Thanks for bringin'
him down here, Earl.

305
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,800
And cross me off your list.

306
00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,560
[Earl Narrating] I'd be lyin' if I said this
was the end I was rootin' for.

307
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:46,240
I was hopin' Gwen and her dad
would make up on the spot.

308
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,440
But sometimes relationships
don't work out that way.

309
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,760
Sometimes the best you can hope for is at
least one person walkin' away happy again.

310
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,120
- I locked him in the El Camino.
- [ Engine Starts ]

311
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:02,120
I might have locked him
in there with the keys.

312
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,800
That's all right, Randy.
He won't get far.

313
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:06,960
He doesn't know you're
supposed to put your foot...

314
00:18:07,080 --> 00:18:09,600
over the hole in the floor
to keep the exhaust out.

315
00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:11,520
Let's go follow him.

316
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:17,400
Could we stop and get some bologna?
I got a taste for bologna.

317
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:20,560
I can't make any promises,
but if we see a place.

318
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,560
[Earl Narrating] Once Gwen let go of some of
that anger at her dad...

319
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,760
not only did she
find her smile again...

320
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:28,120
well, she found the smiles
in other people too.

321
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,880
I hereby sentence you
to a $500 fine.

322
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,600
Any chance you wanna take
that 500 out in trade?

323
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:39,160
I'll let you take a ride
on the Patty wagon. Whoo!

324
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,680
Excuse me. You do such beautiful work.
Would you sketch my little girl?

325
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,200
Why not?

326
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,640
[Earl Narrating]
And I realized that sometimes...

327
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:54,560
even when you didn't
do anything wrong...

328
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:57,520
it's okay to let stuff go
and try to patch things up.

329
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,920
See? I told you
it was your fault, dummy.

330
00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:03,800
[Earl Narrating] It's better this way. Holdin' on
to anger just eats you up inside.

331
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,800
Besides, karma's always there to make sure
things come out the way they should.

332
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:11,360
Damn it. Who left Jesus
and his buddies down here?

998
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,800
Montaje: PiLLaO y Redención
Subtítulos: dahhny

999
00:19:22,491 --> 00:20:26,800
.: tusseries & subXpacio :.