1
00:00:02,068 --> 00:00:05,333
You know the kind of guy
who does nothing but bad things...

2
00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,372
and then wonders why
his life sucks?

3
00:00:07,474 --> 00:00:11,706
Well, that was me. Every time
somethin'good happened to me...

4
00:00:11,811 --> 00:00:14,245
somethin' bad was always waitin'
around the corner.

5
00:00:16,449 --> 00:00:17,780
Karma.

6
00:00:17,884 --> 00:00:20,182
That's when I realized
I had to change.

7
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:24,089
So I made a list
of everything bad I've ever done...

8
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:27,159
and, one by one,
I'm gonna make up for all my mistakes.

9
00:00:27,260 --> 00:00:29,194
I'm just tryin' to be
a better person.

10
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,855
My name is Earl.

11
00:00:33,133 --> 00:00:35,033
[ Earl Narrating ]
What's with all the balloons?

12
00:00:35,135 --> 00:00:38,036
Well, I was hoping they might
help me get out of trouble.

13
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:41,539
You see, recently I had to add
something bad I did to my list.

14
00:00:41,641 --> 00:00:45,042
It was a big one,
number 261.

15
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:47,579
It all started with the mail.

16
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,875
Thanks, Willie.

17
00:00:52,952 --> 00:00:55,614
You got something, Randy.

18
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,690
- [ Catalina ] Why does the flute talk?
- [ Jabbering ]

19
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,726
Is he magic?
Is he the ghost of a dead flute?

20
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:05,764
"You are cordially invited
to Joy and Darnell's wedding. "

21
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,098
Joy's gettin' married?

22
00:01:12,972 --> 00:01:16,135
Well, I wonder if Willie dropped
my invitation in the parking lot.

23
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,143
I don't think so. This says
"Randy Hickey plus anyone but Earl. "

24
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,941
For the reception,
how should I have my chicken?

25
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:23,948
Grilled or McNuggetted?

26
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:26,450
Oh, man, I wish I was invited.
I love chicken.

27
00:01:26,553 --> 00:01:28,453
Probably gonna be cake too.

28
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:32,116
I love weddings.
The food, the cake, the dancing.

29
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:36,286
- Whoo.
- You wanna be my plus anyone but Earl?

30
00:01:36,396 --> 00:01:38,557
Okay. When is it?

31
00:01:38,665 --> 00:01:41,327
- Next Wednesday.
- Next Wednesday?

32
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:44,335
Man, that woman
never stops, does she?

33
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:47,805
If I check McNuggetted...

34
00:01:47,907 --> 00:01:50,569
you think they'll let me have
two different dipping sauces?

35
00:01:50,677 --> 00:01:52,645
I like hot mustard
for the first bite...

36
00:01:52,745 --> 00:01:55,646
but I like to chase it with a little honey
on the second bite.

37
00:01:55,748 --> 00:02:00,185
It's like having a small meal, followed
by a tiny dessert every 10 to 15 seconds.

38
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,117
[ Man On Radio ]
So your hair's colored?

39
00:02:02,222 --> 00:02:04,690
- [ Woman On Radio ] Yeah. A little.
- Fried? Damaged?

40
00:02:04,791 --> 00:02:06,986
- [ Continues, Indistinct ]
- We need to talk.

41
00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:10,859
Shh. I'm tryin' to make a mix tape for
the wedding. I'm waitin' for my request.

42
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,125
You had to get married
next Wednesday, on my birthday?

43
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:17,499
Is next Wednesday your birthday?
Hmm. I did not know that.

44
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:19,765
Then why did you invite
all my friends?

45
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:22,341
You know I have a party
at the Crab Shack on my birthday.

46
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:26,139
It's the one time a year
I get drunk enough to break-dance.

47
00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:29,340
Go Earl. Go Earl.
It's your birthday.

48
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:34,352
It's your birthday.
Go Earl. Go Earl. Go Earl.

49
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:38,220
You're gonna have to do the worm all by your
lonesome, 'cause D.J. Dave's doin' my wedding.

50
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,384
I gave him a 20-dollar gift certificate
for Patty, the daytime hooker.

51
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,485
Hey, Earl.
Comin'to the wedding?

52
00:02:43,596 --> 00:02:45,530
He can't.
It's his birthday.

53
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:48,533
- But that's okay. He could still-
- Darnell...

54
00:02:48,635 --> 00:02:52,867
I did not drag that water bed all the way from
the flea market so it could sit there empty.

55
00:02:52,972 --> 00:02:55,907
- Happy birthday, Earl.
- Thanks, Crab Man.

56
00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,909
Here's one going out
to Joy and Darnell...

57
00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,946
dancing for the first time
as Mr. and Mrs. Turner.

58
00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:04,744
Damn it, Earl!
You made me miss my intro.

59
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,887
[Earl Narrating] Randy said he'd
stay with me on my birthday...

60
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:15,927
but I knew how much he wanted
to dance with Catalina.

61
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,327
So I insisted
that he go to the wedding.

62
00:03:18,431 --> 00:03:22,561
Since it's tacky to go to a wedding
without a gift, I took Randy shopping.

63
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:26,537
Among other places,Joy was registered
at the local liquor store.

64
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,539
How about tequila?

65
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:31,508
Let's see. Tequila.

66
00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:33,772
Need 10. Got 10. Nope.

67
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,576
Oh, man,
all the good stuff's taken.

68
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:39,049
- Light beer?
- Light beer.

69
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:44,055
Need 336.
Got 324. Grab it.

70
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,385
[Earl Narrating]
Joy and Darnell weren't very religious...

71
00:03:46,492 --> 00:03:48,687
and they couldn't afford
to rent out a hall...

72
00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,695
so they got married
at the park.

73
00:03:50,797 --> 00:03:53,459
Joy wanted to make sure
they got a nice, shady spot...

74
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:56,467
so she sent Darnell over there
first thing in the morning.

75
00:04:03,142 --> 00:04:06,168
Sorry. This area's saved.

76
00:04:06,279 --> 00:04:09,112
You see that?
We should've gotten a clown.

77
00:04:12,585 --> 00:04:15,645
- [Chattering]
- [Earl Narrating] Yeah, it was a beautiful day.

78
00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:18,155
If it wasn't for
the occasional interruption...

79
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,022
from a nearby soccer game,
it would've been perfect.

80
00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,095
- [ Indistinct Shout ]
- As everyone arrived...

81
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:26,632
Joy and her bridesmaids
were making themselves pretty.

82
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:32,237
Whoo! This thing's making me
sweat like a whore in church.

83
00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:35,136
- No offense, Patty.
- None taken.

84
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:39,234
- I don't go to church.
- Anybody got deodorant?

85
00:04:39,345 --> 00:04:42,280
Oh, I got Altoids and condoms.

86
00:04:42,382 --> 00:04:45,681
- These are scented.
- I don't want your baby's butt wipes!

87
00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,980
I'll take one of those, Carla.

88
00:04:48,087 --> 00:04:51,250
[ Squealing ]
Joy! Oh, my God! Look at you!

89
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:56,021
Oh, look atyou!
Oh, you are so beautiful!

90
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,997
My God, my brother loves you so much,
and I love you so much.

91
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:02,863
Okay. Okay.
Time out, Daneesha.

92
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:07,599
Time out, Daneesha. You're-
You're gettin' boob glitter all over my face.

93
00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:12,803
[ Slurred ] D-Do you- Do you feel
like singing "Happy Birthday"?

94
00:05:12,912 --> 00:05:15,346
Huh? Come on.

95
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:25,452
Coming up next. Whatsecret involving day
laborers is Rob Schneider trying to hide?

96
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:27,992
And home movies
of Thanksgiving dinner...

97
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:30,858
with Bruce, Demi,
Ashton and the kids.

98
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,397
Can you say "pass the creepy"?

99
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:36,127
Did you hear that, Willie?
Thanksgiving together.

100
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:38,328
That- That- That's sweet.

101
00:05:38,438 --> 00:05:42,841
Why can't I have a relationship
like that with my ex-wife, huh?

102
00:05:42,942 --> 00:05:45,877
Poor Joy is probably
all upset today...

103
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,344
'cause she thinks I'm mad
she didn't invite me.

104
00:05:48,448 --> 00:05:51,576
I'm not angry at her.
No, no, sir.

105
00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:54,084
I wanna be friends.

106
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:57,350
I wanna be
the Bruce to her Demi.

107
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,357
Yeah.

108
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:01,950
[Earl Narrating]
Lookin'back on it now...

109
00:06:02,061 --> 00:06:04,529
I know it was a mistake
makin' my way down to the park.

110
00:06:13,306 --> 00:06:16,400
- Hey, D.J. Dave. Hey, folks.
- [ Microphone Feedback ]

111
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:19,876
Most of you guys know me,
but- but I'm Earl.

112
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:22,777
Earl Hickey, Joy's ex-husband.

113
00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:26,784
- [ Microphone Feedback ]
- Hey, keep it on the field!

114
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,854
There's a wedding
goin'on over here!

115
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:32,015
Hey, Crab Man, cool tux.

116
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,457
- Thanks, Earl.
- Who's that pretty lady with you?

117
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,620
- That's my moms.
- Hey, Crab Man's moms.

118
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:41,359
- Hey, Earl.
- Earl, give D.J. Dave the microphone, please!

119
00:06:41,467 --> 00:06:45,096
See, she's mad.
That's why I'm here.

120
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,729
I don't want us to be like this.

121
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,139
Joy, I don't care that you
planned this on my birthday.

122
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:55,203
It's my birthday today.
In fact, maybe just real quick-

123
00:06:57,083 --> 00:07:00,951
- Earl!
- Oh, that's cool. Today is for you.

124
00:07:01,053 --> 00:07:06,218
I- What part of wedding
don't you understand?

125
00:07:06,325 --> 00:07:09,624
There's a woman gettin' married,
and you're gonna ruin it!

126
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:12,493
- [ Grunts ]
- [ All Gasping ]

127
00:07:12,598 --> 00:07:15,931
[Chattering]

128
00:07:17,870 --> 00:07:20,338
[Earl Narrating]
And there it was...

129
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,931
number 261-
ruined Joy's wedding.

130
00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:30,444
[ Indistinct Shouting ]

131
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,495
[Earl Narrating]
Driving over to Joy's...

132
00:07:44,597 --> 00:07:48,089
all I could think about
was how I ruined her wedding.

133
00:07:48,201 --> 00:07:50,965
- [ All Gasping ]
- I knew she was gonna be upset...

134
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:54,039
but I guess I expected
more yellin'and spittin'.

135
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:56,973
Truth is, I've never
seen her like this before.

136
00:07:59,378 --> 00:08:01,346
- I'm so sorry, Joy.
- Whatever.

137
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:05,144
Don't beat yoursel fup, Earl.
It could've happened to anyone.

138
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,014
Soccer balls are hard to punt.

139
00:08:07,119 --> 00:08:09,019
Look, I 've thought about it...

140
00:08:09,121 --> 00:08:12,488
and the only way I can make up for this
is to give you a new wedding.

141
00:08:12,592 --> 00:08:16,619
I don't want a new wedding. We'll just go
down to the courthouse and get married.

142
00:08:16,729 --> 00:08:20,825
You can't. Look, it's on my list.
I have to do this.

143
00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:23,163
Now, come on.
I'll do anything you want.

144
00:08:23,269 --> 00:08:25,169
It'll be better than the last one.

145
00:08:25,271 --> 00:08:27,705
Just leave me alone.

146
00:08:29,942 --> 00:08:33,901
- [ Video Game Beeping ]
- That's not a bad Berserker score.

147
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,846
Yeah, it's definitely
gonna make the wall of fame.

148
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,849
[Earl Narrating] I decided
I was gonna plan Joy a new wedding...

149
00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:46,015
whether she wanted it or not.

150
00:08:46,125 --> 00:08:49,151
Hey, Earl, wanna go write
"Wash me" on dirty cars?

151
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:52,356
- I already did ours.
- I'd love to, Randy...

152
00:08:52,465 --> 00:08:55,525
but I'm busy reading about non traditional
options for bridesmaids' "bou-ketts."

153
00:08:57,203 --> 00:09:00,195
Why? She said she didn't
want another wedding.

154
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:04,902
It's on my list now. Besides, once she sees how
much work I'm doing, she may want me to come.

155
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,673
We could stop all this fighting
and finally get along.

156
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,408
This whole soccer ball thing
could be a blessing in disguise.

157
00:09:10,516 --> 00:09:13,610
Like when that guy got kicked out of
Van Halen forwearing them stupid pants...

158
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,517
but then got even more famous?

159
00:09:16,622 --> 00:09:18,522
What was his name?

160
00:09:18,624 --> 00:09:22,025
Just make sure
you got good music.

161
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:27,562
Yeah. Yeah, music's important.

162
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,532
[Earl Narrating]
Music was important.

163
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:34,197
So I made sure I stopped by the record
store before payin' Joy another visit.

164
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:38,266
I bought you some CDs for D.J. Dave so you
don't have to make a mix tape this time.

165
00:09:38,377 --> 00:09:41,744
And I found some really good
ideas in a bride magazine...

166
00:09:41,847 --> 00:09:43,749
for inexpensive ways
to make colorful centerpieces.

167
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:44,773
for inexpensive ways
to make colorful centerpieces.

168
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:48,581
Three hours ago, that was a two-liter bottle
of soda and 25 cents' worth of paper.

169
00:09:48,688 --> 00:09:51,555
[ Gasps ]
It's beautiful.

170
00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:55,286
I can make as many as you want. Last night,
Randy emptied out about 20 of'em.

171
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:57,828
You got Monsters of Rap?

172
00:09:57,930 --> 00:10:00,330
Yeah, at the nice price.
I got Monsters of Rock too...

173
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,231
with the extended version
of"Cherry Pie" like you like.

174
00:10:03,336 --> 00:10:05,702
- Ha!
- [Earl Narrating] And there it was.

175
00:10:05,805 --> 00:10:08,865
For the first time in a long time,
Joy smiled at me.

176
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:11,307
She was happy.
And over the next week...

177
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:14,868
as we planned her perfect wedding,
things just kept getting better.

178
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,108
We picked out place settings.

179
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:20,811
These plates are pretty. Oh, but look.
These have matching napkins.

180
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,820
Oh. " Party your ass off."

181
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:26,414
Oh, and look. The little horse has a top hat on.
That's cute. Let's get these.

182
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,421
[Earl Narrating]
I even found a wedding dress sale...

183
00:10:31,530 --> 00:10:33,725
where irregular dresses
were all under $50.

184
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,301
This one's guaranteed
to have only been worn eight times.

185
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:39,565
Yeah, but I like this one, because it's
lined so I don't have to wear panties.

186
00:10:39,672 --> 00:10:41,572
- It's perfect.
- But it's got a stain on it.

187
00:10:41,674 --> 00:10:43,642
That's where I'm gonna
bedazzle my initials.

188
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:46,871
[Earl Narrating] We were working
as a team. It was like the good ol'days.

189
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:50,278
Then- I'm not quite sure
how it happened-

190
00:10:50,383 --> 00:10:53,284
things got a little too much
like the good ol'days.

191
00:10:53,386 --> 00:10:55,854
[ Moaning ]

192
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,142
[ Earl Narrating ]
As soon as I woke up, I realized...

193
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:28,414
that sleeping with Joy three days
before her wedding was a huge mistake.

194
00:11:30,389 --> 00:11:34,325
Uh, honey? I think we should talk
about what happened last night.

195
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,692
It was so crazy,
I'm not sure I even remember.

196
00:11:37,797 --> 00:11:42,063
Then I wish we could trade.
I remember everything.

197
00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:44,898
[Earl Narrating] When I went over
to talk to Joy about the night before...

198
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:47,165
she no longer had love in her eyes.

199
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:50,003
You got a lot of damn nerve
seducing me like that.

200
00:11:50,109 --> 00:11:53,101
- Seducing you?
- Yes. You knew exactly what you were doing-

201
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,680
bein' all nice to me,
plannin' my wedding...

202
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:58,079
helping me pick out my perfect
irregular wedding dress.

203
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,448
How dare you!
You know I'm a passionatewoman.

204
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:04,114
I was just bein' nice sowe could
get along better, like Bruce and Demi.

205
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,783
I didn't know we'd get along
three times in one night.

206
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:10,225
Yeah, well, we can't undo the humpin',
so let's just forget it ever happened.

207
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:13,526
Fine. I'll just tell Darnell,
and we'll be done with it.

208
00:12:13,632 --> 00:12:15,862
What? You can't tell Darnell!

209
00:12:15,968 --> 00:12:19,131
I have to. It's already on my list.
Number 262-

210
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:22,298
slept with Crab Man's fiancée.

211
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:26,640
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Look, you wanna
have a good relationship with me, don't you?

212
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,442
- That's why you're doin' all this, right?
- Well, yeah.

213
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:32,210
Then you need to keep
your big snitchy trap shut.

214
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:35,776
Because if you tell him,
I will never forgive you.

215
00:12:35,888 --> 00:12:40,621
Besides, you think Bruce and Demi don't
sleep together and don't tell Ashton?

216
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:42,626
[ Scoffs ]
Please.

217
00:12:42,728 --> 00:12:45,561
[Earl Narrating]
I did want to be friendly with Joy.

218
00:12:45,664 --> 00:12:48,599
And since I'm not sure what good
tellin' Darnell would do...

219
00:12:48,701 --> 00:12:50,601
I agreed to keep quiet.

220
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:53,105
In return,Joy invited me
to the rehearsal meal.

221
00:12:53,105 --> 00:12:53,127
In return,Joy invited me
to the rehearsal meal.

222
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:57,241
Since three people in the wedding party
had court-mandated curfews...

223
00:12:57,343 --> 00:13:00,835
the traditional rehearsal dinner
was switched to a rehearsal lunch.

224
00:13:00,946 --> 00:13:03,346
Okay, now, I got everybody smalls...

225
00:13:03,449 --> 00:13:05,610
but remember there's free refills.

226
00:13:05,718 --> 00:13:09,518
So a small is really a large
with a little extra walking.

227
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:12,113
[Earl Narrating]
And Casa De Pizza and Games...

228
00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:14,124
turned out to be
the perfect choice...

229
00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:16,592
'cause the kids had something
to keep 'em busy.

230
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:21,530
- [ Children Squealing ]
- [ Laughing ]

231
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:24,125
[Chattering]

232
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:28,969
Sweetheart? Sweetheart,
that's not makin' any sound.

233
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:32,009
Everybody, Darnell has
somethin' he wants to say.

234
00:13:32,111 --> 00:13:36,946
Uh, I just wanted to say
that, uh, I'm a very lucky man.

235
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:40,576
And I wanted to thank Earl
for helping us plan our second wedding.

236
00:13:40,686 --> 00:13:43,519
You're a good friend, Earl.

237
00:13:43,622 --> 00:13:47,183
- To Earl!
- [All] To Earl!

238
00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:50,524
[Earl Narrating] That's when it hit me.
I can't lie to Darnell.

239
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:54,326
He's myfriend.
We've hadsome good times.

240
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,196
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crab Man.

241
00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,236
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crab Man.

242
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,964
- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crab Man.

243
00:14:00,072 --> 00:14:01,869
- Hey, Crab Man.
- Hey, Earl.

244
00:14:01,974 --> 00:14:04,670
[Earl Narrating]
I couldn't keep a secret from Darnell.

245
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:09,009
Besides, he was on my list,
and I had to tell him.

246
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:12,845
[ Chattering Continues ]

247
00:14:12,952 --> 00:14:15,716
Crab Man?

248
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:20,053
I did somethin' very bad
with someone you love.

249
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:23,651
[ All Gasping ]

250
00:14:23,762 --> 00:14:27,493
- Come here fora second, okay?
- Mommy?

251
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,568
- Not now, baby.
- I need to potty.

252
00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:33,104
Oh, for God's sakes, you picked today
to stop goin' in your pants?

253
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:35,105
Come on.

254
00:14:41,247 --> 00:14:43,943
- I have to tell him.
- Oh, like H-E-L-L you do!

255
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:48,349
I can't live like this,Joy. He needs
to know we... H-A-D sex together.

256
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,251
Oh, that is B-U-L-L honky!

257
00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,519
Marriages built on lies
don't last. Look at us.

258
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,060
It's not the lies
that screw people up.

259
00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,561
It's the finding out.
You keep your mouth shut, Earl.

260
00:14:58,664 --> 00:15:00,461
He needs to know.

261
00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:05,526
Fine. But let me tell him.
At least give me that.

262
00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:10,267
- I think that's a good idea.
- Tsk.

263
00:15:12,978 --> 00:15:15,776
I'm done. Help.

264
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:21,348
Old Daddy, are you there?

265
00:15:21,453 --> 00:15:23,683
Yeah, Old Daddy's here.

266
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:28,088
[ Laughing ]

267
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:32,459
I have something to tell you,
and it's not gonna be easy to hear...

268
00:15:32,564 --> 00:15:36,762
um, but I need you to promise me
that you're not gonna make a scene.

269
00:15:36,869 --> 00:15:38,894
[Earl Narrating]
Being the sneaky little woman Joy is...

270
00:15:39,004 --> 00:15:42,235
she thought she would take
one last shot at not tellin' the truth.

271
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:44,969
Earl slept with your mother.

272
00:15:54,086 --> 00:15:57,681
[ Earl Narrating] Unfortunately, he
couldn't help himself from making a scene.

273
00:15:57,790 --> 00:16:02,784
[ Grunting ]

274
00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:10,130
Come on, Crab Man. You know how she is.
You can't be that surprised.

275
00:16:10,235 --> 00:16:14,672
[ Groans ] It's not like this
is the first time it's ever happened.

276
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:18,607
We used to do it all the time.
[ Grunts, Groans ]

277
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,839
Come on, Crab Man. I didn't
get mad when you slept with her.

278
00:16:21,947 --> 00:16:24,472
[ Grunts ]

279
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:27,484
You take that back! I've never
had sexual relations with my moms.

280
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,713
[ All Gasping ]

281
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:34,225
Your moms? I didn't sleep
with your moms. I slept with Joy.

282
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:36,988
You son of a bitch!
I had this covered!

283
00:16:37,096 --> 00:16:40,156
[Earl Groaning]

284
00:16:44,269 --> 00:16:47,170
[ Groaning Continues ]

285
00:16:47,272 --> 00:16:50,002
Darnell.

286
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:09,055
Crab Man?

287
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,569
Hey, buddy.

288
00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:20,570
Hey.

289
00:17:20,672 --> 00:17:25,302
Look, Crab Man,
this was totally an accident.

290
00:17:25,411 --> 00:17:28,141
If I could go back
and change what happened-

291
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,738
I'm not mad, Earl.
Like you said...

292
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:34,615
I did the same thing to you
when you were married to her.

293
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,211
Yeah, but that's not your fault.

294
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:40,155
It's not our fault at all.

295
00:17:40,259 --> 00:17:42,921
It's her.
She's a vixen.

296
00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:45,895
Isn't that one
of Santa's reindeer?

297
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:49,627
Yeah, but I think
it's also, like, a-

298
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:53,728
uh, like a woman who's,
you know, not a whore...

299
00:17:53,839 --> 00:17:57,400
but kind of like a sexy, uh-

300
00:17:57,509 --> 00:17:59,636
I'm not sure what it is.

301
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,714
Look, I know
who Joy used to be.

302
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:07,309
I just thought she changed.
I thought she loved me.

303
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,319
She does.
She does love you.

304
00:18:09,421 --> 00:18:11,548
When I told her I was gonna
tell you what happened...

305
00:18:11,657 --> 00:18:14,683
I saw a look of panic on her
face I've never seen before.

306
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,761
She was scared of losing you.

307
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,558
She was scared? Joy?

308
00:18:19,665 --> 00:18:22,964
Terrified. And I've never seen
that woman scared of losing anything.

309
00:18:24,503 --> 00:18:26,494
[Earl Narrating]
That was the truth.

310
00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:29,472
I knew Joy loved Crab Man more
than she's ever loved anyone.

311
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:32,203
And Crab Man
loved her right back.

312
00:19:11,116 --> 00:19:14,711
[ Earl Narrating]
I did it. I gave her back her wedding.

313
00:19:23,428 --> 00:19:27,455
And even though she hated me
for telling Darnell the truth...

314
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:30,535
I knew it was the right thing to do.

315
00:19:35,607 --> 00:19:37,837
Earl, come get in one of these.

316
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:42,645
Oh, great. I t's bad enough
you had to invite him.

317
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:46,047
[Earl Narrating] As for me and Joy
having that Bruce and Demi relationship-

318
00:19:46,151 --> 00:19:49,018
I hope you get nut cancer,
you son of a bitch.

319
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:52,579
Nice. You kiss your "igellitimate"
children with that mouth?

320
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:53,817
Smile.

321
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,659
Well, at least we'll look
happy in the pictures.

322
00:20:16,315 --> 00:20:19,341
[Earl Narrating] They say you never
forget the first dance at your wedding.

323
00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:22,215
I know Randy will never forget his.

998
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,800
Montaje: Redención
Subtítulos: dahhny

999
00:21:11,491 --> 00:21:14,800
.: tusseries & subXpacio :.

