1
00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:04,546
My name is Earl.

2
00:00:07,006 --> 00:00:09,592
We did it. Two beers, Crab Man.

3
00:00:09,717 --> 00:00:11,594
You got it, Earl.

4
00:00:11,719 --> 00:00:15,389
[Earl Narrating] Everytime I cross something
off my list, I get a good feeling inside.

5
00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:19,726
Here's to crossing off number 57-
gave Randy a swirly when he was five.

6
00:00:19,810 --> 00:00:23,313
[ Earl Narrating]
And this time, Randy got that good feeling too.

7
00:00:25,482 --> 00:00:29,193
[ Gurgling ]

8
00:00:29,277 --> 00:00:32,405
Thanks for cleaning the toilet
before I let Randy stick my head in it.

9
00:00:32,488 --> 00:00:34,698
No problem. The last guy who got
his head stuck in the toilet...

10
00:00:34,782 --> 00:00:36,408
caught some disease only bats get.

11
00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:39,453
Is that that guy who always
hangs upside down in the bathroom?

12
00:00:39,536 --> 00:00:42,622
No, that's Hector.
Question, Earl.

13
00:00:42,748 --> 00:00:45,208
How do you decide what
you're gonna do next on your list?

14
00:00:45,292 --> 00:00:47,293
If it's too personal,
I'll mind my own beeswax.

15
00:00:47,377 --> 00:00:49,921
Well, uh, sometimes karma
gives me a sign...

16
00:00:50,046 --> 00:00:52,465
other times I just
pick one at random.

17
00:00:52,548 --> 00:00:56,176
And sometimes he lets me pick,
but I get a little freaked out when I play God.

18
00:00:56,302 --> 00:00:58,429
That's why I also don't vote
on American Idol.

19
00:00:58,512 --> 00:01:01,056
- Can I pick one?
- Sure, go ahead.

20
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:05,560
- I just did- one.
- You don't dilly dally, Crab Man. I respect that.

21
00:01:05,685 --> 00:01:07,770
One it is.

22
00:01:07,854 --> 00:01:11,315
[Earl Narrating] As you might imagine,
number 1 on my list was kind of special-

23
00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,068
stole $10 from a guy
at the Camden Market.

24
00:01:14,193 --> 00:01:17,780
It was the last bad thing I did
before I discovered karma.

25
00:01:17,863 --> 00:01:23,118
It was about nine months ago. Low on funds,
I was about to steal 16 ounces of breakfast...

26
00:01:23,201 --> 00:01:25,161
when all of a sudden,
fate smiled on me.

27
00:01:35,212 --> 00:01:40,175
Five minutes later, I scratched offthe lottery
ticket that would change my life forever.

28
00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:44,971
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Screaming ]

29
00:01:45,055 --> 00:01:48,766
- [ Tires Squealing ]
- It would also lacerate my spleen and pop my lung.

30
00:01:48,891 --> 00:01:51,519
Stealing that guy's $10
was the last straw.

31
00:01:51,602 --> 00:01:53,437
Karma had had enough.

32
00:01:54,855 --> 00:01:57,608
Thanks, Crab Man.
It's about time I did number 1.

33
00:01:57,733 --> 00:02:01,278
Good luck with that. And I hope I scrubbed
that bat disease out of that toilet.

34
00:02:01,403 --> 00:02:05,031
But if you start seeing with your ears
and what not, get to a doctor.

35
00:02:05,115 --> 00:02:06,908
[Earl Narrating]
In my criminal days...

36
00:02:06,991 --> 00:02:09,786
Iqball's surveillance cameras
were a pain in my ass.

37
00:02:09,911 --> 00:02:14,957
But since I never saw the guy's face I stole
the 10 bucks from, I was lucky he kept the tapes.

38
00:02:15,082 --> 00:02:19,086
Thanks for doing this, Iqball.
I think it happened around 11:00.

39
00:02:21,213 --> 00:02:23,089
11:00.

40
00:02:23,215 --> 00:02:25,884
[ Earl Narrating] I was also lucky
I knew someone who spoke Bengali.

41
00:02:25,967 --> 00:02:28,928
[ Speaking Bengali ]

42
00:02:32,473 --> 00:02:34,892
[ Bengali ]

43
00:02:36,143 --> 00:02:38,062
That's impressive, Patty.

44
00:02:38,145 --> 00:02:42,566
I spent the early part of my 20s
doing exotic sex shows in Calcutta.

45
00:02:42,649 --> 00:02:45,276
The pay was good,
but when the opium buzz wears off...

46
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:50,114
and you're standing there naked with a tambourine
in one hand and a tiger's junk in the other...

47
00:02:50,239 --> 00:02:52,867
it's time for a young girl
to come home.

48
00:02:56,203 --> 00:02:59,081
- Hey, there you are, Patty.
- [ Bengali ]

49
00:02:59,164 --> 00:03:01,333
He wants you to
fast-forward this part.

50
00:03:01,458 --> 00:03:04,002
There's nothin' to be ashamed of, Iqqy.

51
00:03:04,127 --> 00:03:06,755
We've all got our kinky little secrets.

52
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:09,966
[ Bengali ]

53
00:03:20,475 --> 00:03:22,644
[ Whispering ]
How long does this go on?

54
00:03:22,769 --> 00:03:26,398
[ Whispering ] You'll know it's over when
he brushes my hair and feeds me a sugar cube.

55
00:03:37,199 --> 00:03:39,701
Hey, there I am.

56
00:03:41,578 --> 00:03:43,747
- That's him. That's the guy.
- [Patty] I knowhim.

57
00:03:43,872 --> 00:03:46,791
That's Paul. He's the delivery guy
at Charlie's Pizza.

58
00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:49,669
- We're in the same book club.
- [ Iqball Laughs ]

59
00:03:49,752 --> 00:03:53,589
[Iqball Chuckles,
Speaks Bengali]

60
00:03:53,714 --> 00:03:56,675
[ Bengali ]

61
00:03:56,759 --> 00:04:00,762
Iqball says that guy didn't have
any money to buy anything.

62
00:04:00,887 --> 00:04:02,681
[ Laughing Continues ]

63
00:04:05,058 --> 00:04:06,935
[Earl]
Wait a second.

64
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:11,355
- He was gonna buy a lotto ticket with that money?
- Yeah.

65
00:04:11,439 --> 00:04:16,193
I bought his lotto ticket. The winning lotto ticket
was supposed to be his.

66
00:04:16,277 --> 00:04:20,280
[Earl Narrating] That's when I realized
I didn't just owe this guy $10-

67
00:04:20,405 --> 00:04:22,657
I owed him every penny I have.

68
00:04:27,412 --> 00:04:31,040
As soon as I realized the lottery money
was supposed to belong to someone else...

69
00:04:31,124 --> 00:04:35,878
I went to the bank and got out
what I had left after Uncle Sam took his share.

70
00:04:37,296 --> 00:04:39,715
That's a lot of money to give away.

71
00:04:39,798 --> 00:04:41,842
Am I being crazy?

72
00:04:41,967 --> 00:04:45,303
Yes. I think you got one of them
brain worms I saw on TV.

73
00:04:45,428 --> 00:04:47,805
Look, it's not like I don't
wanna keep the money.

74
00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:50,266
I-I can't. I'm scared.

75
00:04:50,349 --> 00:04:53,227
The first time I got this money,
karma hit me with a car.

76
00:04:53,311 --> 00:04:56,897
You ever been hit by a car?
It hurts. It hurts a lot.

77
00:04:56,981 --> 00:05:00,400
I can't keep this money knowing it's not mine
or karma might try and kill me again.

78
00:05:00,484 --> 00:05:05,113
Maybe. Or maybe that's just what
the brain worm wants you to think.

79
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:08,032
[ Sighs ]
Damn it, Crab Man.

80
00:05:08,157 --> 00:05:10,034
Why the hell he have
to pick number 1?

81
00:05:10,159 --> 00:05:12,828
But, Earl, we'll be broke.

82
00:05:12,954 --> 00:05:16,915
Look, Randy, I know it sucks,
but we've been broke before.

83
00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:22,254
[ Groans ] I made the list,
and karma brought us back the lotto ticket.

84
00:05:22,337 --> 00:05:25,340
I guess we just have to hope
karma takes care of us again.

85
00:05:25,465 --> 00:05:28,468
I hate Darnell.

86
00:05:28,593 --> 00:05:30,970
[Earl Narrating]
Patty gave us Paul's address...

87
00:05:31,053 --> 00:05:34,265
and even though he didn't like what
I was doin', Randy agreed to go with me.

88
00:05:34,348 --> 00:05:36,767
[ Knocking ]

89
00:05:36,850 --> 00:05:38,769
Hi. We're looking for Paul.

90
00:05:38,852 --> 00:05:43,773
If you're here to buy my medical marijuana
lollipops from my son, you're out of luck.

91
00:05:43,857 --> 00:05:47,485
I ate 'em all.
[ Laughing ]

92
00:05:47,569 --> 00:05:51,656
No, no. We're not here for lollipops.
We brought him somethin'.

93
00:05:51,781 --> 00:05:55,034
- I won't let you do it, Earl!
- Randy, get back here!

94
00:05:55,159 --> 00:05:57,786
- Damn it! Randy!
- [ Grunts ]

95
00:05:57,870 --> 00:06:00,706
[Earl Narrating] Once I got the money back
from Randy, I explained to Paul...

96
00:06:00,831 --> 00:06:04,918
all about my list, the lotto ticket
and how that money was really his.

97
00:06:05,043 --> 00:06:08,546
Whoa. Hey, you guys,
you didn't tell my mom about this, did you?

98
00:06:08,671 --> 00:06:11,966
'Cause she's just gonna use the money
to buy more pot lollipops.

99
00:06:12,091 --> 00:06:15,219
She's supposed to have
four a day. If she has four...

100
00:06:15,302 --> 00:06:17,930
then she gets the munchies-
she eats four more.

101
00:06:18,055 --> 00:06:20,599
The worst is
is that she gets... horny.

102
00:06:20,724 --> 00:06:22,934
[Knocking]

103
00:06:23,059 --> 00:06:26,229
[Mother] Paul? Aren't you gonna
introduce me to your friends?

104
00:06:26,312 --> 00:06:28,231
- [ Doorknob Rattling ]
- No, Ma.

105
00:06:28,314 --> 00:06:31,484
- Is that door locked?
- Yeah, it's locked. So-So this money's all mine?

106
00:06:31,609 --> 00:06:34,320
Yeah. I'm five grand short,
but I'll get it to you as soon as I can.

107
00:06:34,445 --> 00:06:36,405
Dude, don't worry about it.
This is plenty.

108
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:40,617
No, no. I'll get you the rest. I have to.
Like I said, you're on my list.

109
00:06:40,742 --> 00:06:43,120
He said it was plenty, Earl.
Didn't you hear him?

110
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,998
I think you got that bat disease.
How many fingers am I holding up?

111
00:06:47,123 --> 00:06:49,459
Paul. Aren't you gonna introduce me?

112
00:06:49,584 --> 00:06:52,461
You're old! They're not interested in you.

113
00:06:52,587 --> 00:06:54,964
- You-You guys aren't interested, are you?
- Mm-mmm.

114
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:57,466
You have a window we can go out?

115
00:06:59,259 --> 00:07:01,803
[Earl Narrating] Not having much money
was nothing new to me and Randy.

116
00:07:01,928 --> 00:07:05,974
But having none at all made things hard,
especially when it came to lunch.

117
00:07:06,099 --> 00:07:08,518
Yeah.

118
00:07:08,643 --> 00:07:10,770
There's some left in here.

119
00:07:32,081 --> 00:07:35,459
I 'm starving, Earl.
Maybe we should go steal some food.

120
00:07:35,543 --> 00:07:39,087
You know I get angry when I'm hungry,
like the Hulk.

121
00:07:39,213 --> 00:07:41,089
Only I don't get
all green and muscly.

122
00:07:41,214 --> 00:07:43,633
I just get dizzy and snap
at people that don't deserve it.

123
00:07:43,717 --> 00:07:45,635
Randy, we're not stealing anything.

124
00:07:45,719 --> 00:07:49,430
We're stickin' to the list so somethin' good
will happen to us again.

125
00:07:49,555 --> 00:07:52,642
I just need to find somethin' that won't
cost any money to cross off my list.

126
00:07:52,725 --> 00:07:56,478
List, list, list! I swear to God,
you say the word "list" one more time...

127
00:07:56,562 --> 00:07:59,731
I'm gonna pull your tongue right out
of your mouth and stick it up your-

128
00:08:03,860 --> 00:08:08,656
I'm sorry. That was the hungry, dizzy Hulk.
He comes on quick.

129
00:08:08,740 --> 00:08:10,950
No, no. That-That's okay, Randy.

130
00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:13,661
You can have the chip dust. I'm full.

131
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:22,252
Here we go right here.
Number 119-

132
00:08:22,377 --> 00:08:25,046
ruined Joy's chance
to get into art school.

133
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:27,048
[Earl Narrating]
A few years ago...

134
00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:30,635
Joyfounda contest in the back ofa magazine
to get into art school.

135
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,138
- [Dog Barking]
- Check out that turtle.

136
00:08:34,263 --> 00:08:38,517
Look at that. Looks just like the one
in the magazine. I traced it perfect. Mmm.

137
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:43,605
I'm gonna go to art school. And when I do, y'all
gonna have to take care of the babies. Mm-hmm.

138
00:08:43,730 --> 00:08:46,191
And you're gonna see what it's like
to get up at midnight...

139
00:08:46,274 --> 00:08:48,276
'cause they're cryin'
for more Mountain Dew.

140
00:08:48,359 --> 00:08:50,319
I need a stamp.

141
00:08:52,738 --> 00:08:54,782
I don't want to take care
of the kids, Earl.

142
00:08:54,907 --> 00:08:57,785
The black one bites me,
and the white one calls me "stupid giant".

143
00:08:57,910 --> 00:09:00,871
Don't worry, Randy.
She's not getting into art school.

144
00:09:18,429 --> 00:09:21,515
After I finish art school, I might even
go to Paris where the good artists go...

145
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:24,601
so I can draw those quiet guys in white face
with rugby shirts that play charades.

146
00:09:29,188 --> 00:09:32,608
[Earl Narrating]A few months later,
Joy finally heard back from the art school.

147
00:09:34,652 --> 00:09:38,655
They said, "Art isn't for turds". Who the hell
do they think they're calling a turd?

148
00:09:38,781 --> 00:09:41,658
[Earl Narrating] I came over to talk to Joy
about getting her into art school...

149
00:09:41,783 --> 00:09:44,953
but all she wanted to talk about
was how I gave my money away.

150
00:09:45,036 --> 00:09:48,122
Well, the dummy has
out-dummied himself, huh?

151
00:09:48,206 --> 00:09:52,543
Well, at least now that you're poor I can stop
being so nice to you. That just wears me out.

152
00:09:52,668 --> 00:09:55,796
Look, will you just trace this turtle again
so I can mail it in?

153
00:09:55,880 --> 00:09:58,799
I told you, I don't wanna
trace no damn turtle.

154
00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:02,928
Joy, I just bought the stamp. I can't return it.
I let Randy lick it for lunch.

155
00:10:03,053 --> 00:10:05,764
[ Sighs ] I don't care about
art school any more, Earl.

156
00:10:05,889 --> 00:10:07,849
I make my art on the end
of people's fingers now.

157
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,934
Patty, you really need
to stop biting these nails.

158
00:10:10,059 --> 00:10:13,020
Don't tell me, tell the mayor.
He's a nibbler.

159
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:16,690
- Mmm.
- There's gotta be something I can
do to make up for the drawing.

160
00:10:16,774 --> 00:10:20,527
I gotta start crossing things off my list
if I want my life to be better again.

161
00:10:20,611 --> 00:10:23,822
Fine. You wanna make up
for ruining my art career?

163
00:10:23,905 --> 00:10:26,533
You can help me
by expanding my new career.

164
00:10:26,658 --> 00:10:29,786
I need a guinea pig to practice on
so I can get my new license.

165
00:10:29,911 --> 00:10:33,039
No problem.
What do you what me to do?

166
00:10:34,874 --> 00:10:37,251
[ Screams ]

167
00:10:39,211 --> 00:10:41,713
Mother-

168
00:10:41,797 --> 00:10:43,798
Oh, wait. Rip that out.

169
00:10:43,924 --> 00:10:45,884
I'm supposed to explain
the dangers to you first.

170
00:10:46,009 --> 00:10:47,927
[ Groans ]

171
00:10:48,011 --> 00:10:50,721
[Earl Narrating] While Joy finished making me
into a human pincushion...

172
00:10:50,805 --> 00:10:53,933
the lack off ood was
making Randy desperate.

173
00:10:54,058 --> 00:10:56,185
- I crossed another one off- Randy, no.
- [ Trap Snaps ]

174
00:10:56,268 --> 00:10:58,687
- [ Groans ]
- [ Earl Narrating ] An hour later, I learned...

175
00:10:58,771 --> 00:11:02,107
the only thing as painful as putting an earring
in your nipple is taking it out.

176
00:11:02,232 --> 00:11:04,317
[ Earl Groans ]

177
00:11:06,861 --> 00:11:08,863
Ooh. That one's nice.

178
00:11:08,988 --> 00:11:11,199
You have a matching one like
that somewhere on you?

179
00:11:11,324 --> 00:11:14,368
[ Earl ] Oh, I'm sorry, Catalina.
I didn't realize you were shopping.

180
00:11:14,493 --> 00:11:16,370
- Let me check in the back.
- Where are you going?

181
00:11:16,495 --> 00:11:19,623
[ Muffled ] My tongue hurts too much
to watch TV. I 'm going for a walk.

182
00:11:19,706 --> 00:11:23,126
[Screams ]

183
00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:27,714
[Earl Narrating] While I let my holes start
to heal, Randy stumbled across a little karma.

184
00:11:54,363 --> 00:11:57,032
[ Bell Jingles ]

185
00:11:58,409 --> 00:12:00,994
Randy, any money we had
was supposed to be for food.

186
00:12:01,078 --> 00:12:04,956
I know. But you crossed something off
your list today. Maybe karma will reward us.

187
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,209
You know, we gotta believe, remember?
Come on. Scratch it.

188
00:12:08,334 --> 00:12:10,628
I can't, Randy. You do it.

189
00:12:10,711 --> 00:12:12,964
Something tells me
we're gonna be lucky.

190
00:12:13,047 --> 00:12:16,175
I got a funny feeling.
Which side should I scratch first?

191
00:12:16,258 --> 00:12:18,802
That end, but just scratch
the first box.

192
00:12:20,721 --> 00:12:23,390
Like this?

193
00:12:24,849 --> 00:12:27,560
[ Gasps ]
And now that box.

194
00:12:32,523 --> 00:12:35,151
- You finish it. I can't.
- No, you do it.

195
00:12:36,193 --> 00:12:39,404
All right. Here goes.

196
00:12:44,951 --> 00:12:47,954
You bought a joke
lottery ticket, Randy.

197
00:12:49,372 --> 00:12:51,249
[Door Slams]

198
00:13:08,056 --> 00:13:11,809
[Earl Narrating] As I tried to find something else
on my list that didn't require money...

199
00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:14,645
Darnell was trying
to help us stay alive.

200
00:13:14,770 --> 00:13:17,189
Now, I know you don't have
any money to buy beers...

201
00:13:17,314 --> 00:13:20,025
but two ladies just left the bar
and they ain't finished these.

202
00:13:20,150 --> 00:13:24,237
- Here's napkins to wipe off the lipstick.
- Thanks, Crab Man.

203
00:13:24,321 --> 00:13:28,700
You see that, Randy? I told you karma
would take care of us. Free beer.

204
00:13:28,825 --> 00:13:30,827
Do good things, good things happen.

205
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:34,371
- There's a cigarette in mine.
- So?

206
00:13:34,497 --> 00:13:36,749
You know, I think having
that money spoiled you, Randy.

207
00:13:36,832 --> 00:13:39,459
Just pinch your lips tighter
to keep the cigarette out.

208
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:41,628
Plus, it'll make your beerlast longer.

209
00:13:44,339 --> 00:13:46,299
Here we go. Number 206-

210
00:13:46,382 --> 00:13:49,510
refused to dance with Too-tall Maggie
at the eight grade dance.

211
00:13:49,635 --> 00:13:52,763
I can cross that one off easy.
Dancin' is free.

212
00:13:52,847 --> 00:13:56,517
Here. Someone left half a hamburger
by the pool table.

213
00:13:57,976 --> 00:13:59,937
[ Sighs ]
There's a cigarette in here too.

214
00:14:00,020 --> 00:14:02,397
Give it to me, princess.

215
00:14:05,525 --> 00:14:07,443
[Earl Narrating]
Before I went to dance with Maggie...

216
00:14:07,527 --> 00:14:11,280
Randy wanted to stop by the motel
and get more peanut butter off the mousetrap.

217
00:14:11,364 --> 00:14:14,408
This time I'm gonna be more careful about it.
I got a plan.

218
00:14:14,533 --> 00:14:16,869
- That's good, Randy.
- Yeah, I'm gonna use my finger.

219
00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:24,292
- What are you guys doing here?
- We're gonna swim in the pool!

220
00:14:24,376 --> 00:14:27,712
We're gonna swim! We're gonna swim!
We're gonna swim, swim, swim!

221
00:14:27,837 --> 00:14:30,048
What are you doing in our room?

222
00:14:30,173 --> 00:14:32,717
What are you doing in our room?

223
00:14:32,842 --> 00:14:35,553
- Hey, guys.
- Catalina, what's going on here?

224
00:14:35,678 --> 00:14:38,097
They're gonna go for a swim, swim, swim.
You didn't pay your rent...

225
00:14:38,222 --> 00:14:40,265
so my manager's kicking you out, out, out.

226
00:14:40,390 --> 00:14:46,312
We're gonna swim! We're gonna swim!
We're gonna swim, swim, swim!

227
00:14:46,438 --> 00:14:49,107
You think that little one's
ribs are too small to eat?

228
00:14:53,110 --> 00:14:56,196
Okay. All right.
No need to panic.

229
00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,950
We'll cross Maggie off the list and things
will start to get better. I know it, Randy.

230
00:15:00,075 --> 00:15:02,702
I still believe.
You still believe?

231
00:15:02,786 --> 00:15:05,163
- I still believe.
- Good.

232
00:15:05,288 --> 00:15:08,958
We just need to stay positive and keep moving
forward. Everything will work out fine.

233
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:11,460
[ Engine Sputtering ]

234
00:15:25,223 --> 00:15:27,142
[ Sighs ]

235
00:15:39,319 --> 00:15:41,780
[ Grunts ]

236
00:15:41,905 --> 00:15:45,784
- Where are you goin'?
- To dance with Maggie.

237
00:15:47,452 --> 00:15:49,662
[Earl Narrating]
It was a long walk...

238
00:15:49,787 --> 00:15:52,999
but eventually I found the address
I was looking for- I thought.

239
00:15:53,082 --> 00:15:57,711
[ Shouting ] This is South Ridgewood.
You want 1053 North Ridgewood.

240
00:15:57,836 --> 00:16:00,422
It's only about a 10-minute drive.

241
00:16:00,505 --> 00:16:04,426
Oh, yeah. A 10-minute drive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothin'.

242
00:16:04,551 --> 00:16:07,178
If only I had a car.
[ Grunts ]

243
00:16:09,305 --> 00:16:13,100
Oop. Sorry about that.
Uh, let me just fix this here.

244
00:16:18,522 --> 00:16:21,483
- Dance with her?
- I went the wrong way.

245
00:16:21,566 --> 00:16:23,485
- What?
- I went the wrong way.

246
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:28,698
[Earl Narrating] Doing things on the list
without money was starting to feel like...

247
00:16:28,781 --> 00:16:30,741
surfing TV channels without a clicker.

248
00:16:30,867 --> 00:16:34,870
It could be done,
but your legs 'll get awfully tired.

249
00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,096
Maggie.

250
00:17:23,498 --> 00:17:26,292
Now what?

251
00:17:26,418 --> 00:17:30,421
I don't know.
I 'm really hungry.

252
00:17:30,505 --> 00:17:32,423
Yeah, me too.

253
00:17:32,506 --> 00:17:36,093
I spent the whole day trying to pull a peanut
out of that heatervent.

254
00:17:36,176 --> 00:17:38,095
Turns out it was just a moth.

255
00:17:38,178 --> 00:17:41,264
- How was it?
- Dry.

256
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:44,309
[Tape: Distorted Audio]

257
00:17:44,392 --> 00:17:46,644
[ Stops ]

258
00:17:47,937 --> 00:17:49,814
Uh.

259
00:17:49,939 --> 00:17:55,402
I don't know if I'm about to pass out
or fall asleep from exhaustion...

260
00:17:55,528 --> 00:17:57,821
but it's happenin'.

261
00:17:59,323 --> 00:18:01,283
Yeah, me too.

262
00:18:03,201 --> 00:18:06,955
You know in them old cartoons
when people got really hungry...

263
00:18:07,038 --> 00:18:10,666
and they thought other people
look like food?

264
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:14,879
You're a taquito with a mustache...

265
00:18:15,004 --> 00:18:17,339
with french fry fingers...

266
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:21,385
spaghetti for hair...

267
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:23,595
gumdrop eyeballs...

268
00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:28,349
Licorice legs.

269
00:18:33,729 --> 00:18:36,023
- Huh?
- Oh.

270
00:18:39,443 --> 00:18:41,695
I'll give you 1,800 for it if it runs.

271
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:44,656
It runs, just not right now.
It's out of gas.

272
00:18:44,739 --> 00:18:47,116
I'll give you 1,785 for it.

273
00:18:47,242 --> 00:18:49,619
Take it, Earl. You know this car's
not worth more than 1,500.

274
00:18:49,744 --> 00:18:52,288
- 1,500.
- Take it, Earl. We're desperate.

275
00:18:52,413 --> 00:18:55,791
- 1,200.
- Hurry, Earl. He's lowering his prices for no reason.

276
00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:58,752
Sold.

277
00:19:04,966 --> 00:19:08,303
It happened, Earl. You crossed something
off your list and something good happened.

278
00:19:08,428 --> 00:19:12,014
That's a lot of money.
Enough to get all your piercing holes plugged up.

279
00:19:12,098 --> 00:19:16,185
Yep, it's a lot.
Damn it, Crab Man.

280
00:19:16,268 --> 00:19:18,187
What? Wh-Wh-What are you doing?

281
00:19:18,270 --> 00:19:20,230
I still owe Paul five grand, Randy.

282
00:19:20,314 --> 00:19:22,232
No, no. I need to eat, Earl.

283
00:19:22,315 --> 00:19:26,361
- My stomach's making sounds
I never heard it say before.
- It's his money, not ours.

284
00:19:26,444 --> 00:19:30,031
But, Earl, we got no place to live,
no car, no food. We're-

285
00:19:30,114 --> 00:19:35,452
I'm sorry, Randy. Look, I have no choice.
I have to stick to the list. You gotta believe.

286
00:19:35,578 --> 00:19:37,871
Quit saying that!
I don't believe!

287
00:19:37,996 --> 00:19:41,792
You hear me? I don't believe!
And I don't see how you can still believe either!

288
00:19:41,875 --> 00:19:45,587
'Cause I got nothin' else, Randy!
This is it. This is all I have.

289
00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:47,589
I didn't even get to eat the moth!

290
00:19:47,672 --> 00:19:51,884
Well, lucky you!
It tasted like moth! Dry moth!

291
00:19:52,009 --> 00:19:54,678
I'm sorry, Randy!

292
00:19:54,804 --> 00:19:56,930
[Earl Narrating]
It's scary to see Randy that upset.

293
00:19:57,014 --> 00:20:00,601
But lucky for me, the dizzy Hulk
had a bad arm and terrible aim.

294
00:20:00,684 --> 00:20:05,271
And lucky for both of us, about two miles
down the road we found a bus stop.

295
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:11,611
Pull the cord. Paul's house
is near the next stop.

296
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:15,156
Pull the cord.

297
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,413
Randy, pull the cord.

298
00:20:25,373 --> 00:20:29,127
Randy! Let me go. Randy.

299
00:20:32,213 --> 00:20:35,382
Uh, Randy.
[ Grunting ]

300
00:20:37,092 --> 00:20:39,011
Aaah! Randy!

301
00:20:39,094 --> 00:20:42,556
Uh, excuse me. Would you mind
pulling the cord, please?

302
00:20:42,681 --> 00:20:45,850
- [ Thuds ]
- [ Woman Screams ]

303
00:20:48,061 --> 00:20:49,979
Wait. That was Paul.

304
00:20:50,063 --> 00:20:54,817
If he's dead and you give that money
to his stoned, horny mom, I'm gonna kill you.

305
00:20:58,987 --> 00:21:00,822
[Earl Narrating]
Luckily, Paul didn't die.

306
00:21:00,906 --> 00:21:04,868
But when the force of getting hit by a bus
makes your heart and liver switch places...

307
00:21:04,951 --> 00:21:07,036
uh, you're gonna feel it.

308
00:21:07,162 --> 00:21:11,082
- How you feeling, buddy?
- Take the money back.

309
00:21:11,207 --> 00:21:13,417
- What?
- Take the money back.

310
00:21:13,542 --> 00:21:16,128
- Okay.
- W-Wait. You were just hit by a bus.

311
00:21:16,253 --> 00:21:18,922
You're still a little out of it.
That money is yours.

312
00:21:19,047 --> 00:21:21,508
You don't know the whole story.
[ Groans ]

313
00:21:21,633 --> 00:21:24,552
[Earl Narrating] Turns out Paul knew more
about the day I won the lottery than I did.

314
00:21:24,636 --> 00:21:29,974
Apparently, when you're blacked out and laying
in the middle of the road, you miss a few things.

315
00:21:30,099 --> 00:21:32,435
- [ Tires Squealing ]
- The ticket didn't go far...

316
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,520
before it was in the hands
of someone else.

317
00:21:34,645 --> 00:21:37,481
And that person was faced
with a decision-

318
00:21:37,606 --> 00:21:41,818
Help a guy lying in the middle of the road
or take the money and run.

319
00:21:41,943 --> 00:21:44,362
[ Tires Squealing ]

320
00:21:45,405 --> 00:21:47,991
Paul decided to run.

321
00:21:49,283 --> 00:21:52,411
[ Bengali ]

322
00:21:52,495 --> 00:21:55,122
Meanwhile, the old lady
that hit me called her sister...

323
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:57,750
who convinced her to return
to the scene of the accident.

324
00:21:57,833 --> 00:21:59,751
Fine. I 'll go back.

325
00:21:59,835 --> 00:22:03,130
But if I go to jail,
you're taking care of Mom.

326
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:18,310
Paul was making his getaway with what
he thought was a stolen ticket. He was rich.

327
00:22:18,435 --> 00:22:20,854
- [ Grunts ]
- [ Screaming ]

328
00:22:20,937 --> 00:22:23,231
[ Tires Squealing ]

329
00:22:25,025 --> 00:22:28,069
It was the happiest
three minutes of his life.

330
00:22:29,904 --> 00:22:33,366
And over the next several days, the ticket
made its way through Camden County...

331
00:22:33,449 --> 00:22:36,493
just waiting for karma to
deliver it to the right person.

332
00:22:44,918 --> 00:22:47,879
If Willie the one-eyed mailman
had better depth perception...

333
00:22:48,004 --> 00:22:50,214
well, that ticket could have been his.

334
00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:04,102
Some people could've
even quit their day jobs.

335
00:23:04,185 --> 00:23:06,813
But they were too busy
working to notice.

336
00:23:38,467 --> 00:23:42,929
Some people could have had it, but karma
wanted them to find other things instead.

337
00:23:44,973 --> 00:23:47,809
Things like love.

338
00:23:58,318 --> 00:24:01,947
Other people could have had it if they
just weren't busy doing the wrong thing.

339
00:24:05,492 --> 00:24:10,955
I got one! Problem Child 2!
I just saved us three dollars!

340
00:24:11,038 --> 00:24:13,833
[ Earl Narrating]
Yep. A lot of people could've had that ticket...

341
00:24:13,916 --> 00:24:16,835
but it just wasn't meant to be.

342
00:24:20,464 --> 00:24:23,967
It was almost as if the ticket knew
where it was supposed to go.

343
00:24:33,100 --> 00:24:35,978
Okay, fine. You took the lotto ticket
instead of helping me.

344
00:24:36,061 --> 00:24:38,313
But that ticket was yours.
Why don't you want the money?

345
00:24:38,397 --> 00:24:40,565
I don't like what it did to me.

346
00:24:40,691 --> 00:24:43,568
[Earl Narrating] And then Paul told us
how the money had changed his life.

347
00:24:45,153 --> 00:24:48,656
- He got ridiculous new clothes.
- [Mother] Paul?

348
00:24:48,740 --> 00:24:52,285
And then he dumped his mom
in a discount nursing home.

349
00:24:52,410 --> 00:24:55,329
Money made Paul
a whole different guy.

350
00:24:58,749 --> 00:25:00,667
Can you spare a dollar?

351
00:25:00,751 --> 00:25:02,878
I can spare thousands of dollars,
but not for you.

352
00:25:03,003 --> 00:25:04,921
Whoa-oa! Oh! Damn it!

353
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,885
[ Woman Screams ]

354
00:25:11,052 --> 00:25:13,888
It was that karma stuff
you told me about, Earl.

355
00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:16,223
Old Lady Karma didn't
want me to have that money.

356
00:25:16,307 --> 00:25:18,016
Old Lady Karma?

357
00:25:18,100 --> 00:25:21,728
I saw her again today
when I got hit.

358
00:25:21,853 --> 00:25:24,731
Pull the cord.

359
00:25:24,814 --> 00:25:27,066
Randy!

360
00:25:27,192 --> 00:25:30,403
I don't drive anymore.
I had two terrible accidents.

361
00:25:30,486 --> 00:25:32,405
- Uh, Randy.
- Excuse me.

362
00:25:32,488 --> 00:25:35,074
Can you tell me when we're
gonna be near Eighth Street?

363
00:25:35,157 --> 00:25:37,076
- Randy!
- [Thuds]

364
00:25:37,159 --> 00:25:40,871
- [Screaming]
- [Tires Squealing]

365
00:25:40,954 --> 00:25:43,957
This money's not supposed
to be with me.

366
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:47,043
I have a feeling that if I keep it
it's gonna kill me.

367
00:25:47,126 --> 00:25:49,045
The money's supposed to be with you.

368
00:25:51,088 --> 00:25:54,592
Wow, Paul. Thanks a lot.

369
00:25:54,675 --> 00:25:57,052
Me and Randy'll keep using it
to do good things.

370
00:25:57,136 --> 00:25:59,346
Right, Randy?

371
00:25:59,471 --> 00:26:03,350
Come on. You don't need it.
I read your chart. You're dyin'.

372
00:26:07,145 --> 00:26:09,105
[Earl Narrating]
It was nice having our money again.

373
00:26:09,188 --> 00:26:11,482
The first thing we did
was buy back the El Camino.

374
00:26:16,487 --> 00:26:19,239
I'm storing food in case
we ever lose the money again.

375
00:26:19,364 --> 00:26:22,909
You know, Earl, I said before
that I believed in the list stuff...

376
00:26:23,034 --> 00:26:27,664
but then I said I didn't,
but now I really do, kind of.

377
00:26:27,789 --> 00:26:29,791
That's good enough for me, Randy.

378
00:26:31,042 --> 00:26:33,711
[Earl Narrating]
Then we got our room back.

379
00:26:33,836 --> 00:26:38,006
Unfortunately, the Yamaguchis
still had two days left.

380
00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:40,133
But they were cool.

381
00:26:40,217 --> 00:26:42,135
[ Buzzes ]

382
00:26:42,219 --> 00:26:45,597
- Things were back to normal.
- Look, Earl. No cigarette butts.

383
00:26:45,722 --> 00:26:48,850
That's right, Randy. It was a wild ride,
but everything turned out okay.

384
00:26:48,975 --> 00:26:52,186
Plus, you crossed
three things off your list.

385
00:26:52,270 --> 00:26:54,897
[ Slurred ]
Scoot it, sweetheart. Move. Come on. Come on.

386
00:26:55,022 --> 00:26:57,608
Check it out.
[ Laughs ]

387
00:26:57,733 --> 00:27:02,195
I'm celebratin'.
I just got my hole piercing license...

388
00:27:02,279 --> 00:27:06,324
which means I'm legal, unlike you.

389
00:27:06,407 --> 00:27:10,286
Con esto concluimos
nuestra primera temporada de Earl.

390
00:27:10,411 --> 00:27:12,371
Estamos muy agradecidos
con su acompañamiento.

391
00:27:12,455 --> 00:27:14,999
Anticipamos verlos
el próximo otoño.

392
00:27:15,082 --> 00:27:17,584
Blah, blah, blah.

393
00:27:17,668 --> 00:27:20,671
[ Laughing ]

394
00:27:20,754 --> 00:27:23,465
[ Earl Narrating]
Yep. Everything was back to normal.

998
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:29,800
Montaje: Redención
Subtítulos: dahhny

999
00:27:31,491 --> 00:27:35,800
.: tusseries & subXpacio :.